Hi Phil,
Thanks for sharing this with us.
There is a lot of food for thought in this article.
Blessings.
Virgie and Hoshi
----- Original Message -----
From: "Phil Scovell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, October 28, 2005 11:51 PM
Subject: Emotions


> The Delicate Balance Of Emotional Pain
>
>
>                         By Phil Scovell
>
>
>
>     After losing my sight due to detached retinas in 1964, I
> immediately enrolled at the Nebraska school for the blind.  It
> wasn't called the Nebraska School for the Blind, because even back
> then, nobody wanted to use the word "blind."  I am not visually
> impaired, sightless, visually handicapped, visually challenged, or
> anything other than blind.  So it doesn't bother me if you use the
> term "blind" when referring to the blind.  Anyhow, back at the old
> school for the blind in Nebraska, we, frankly, had a lot of fun.
> You wouldn't think that blind kids could have fun but we did have
> loads of it.  It's sort of like the bumble bee.  Aerodynamically
> science says he can't fly but the bumble bee doesn't read
> scientific journals so he keeps right on flying regardless of what
> people say about him.  Truthfully, most of the time we never
> remembered that we were blind until we ran into a wall or an
> opened door or each other or tried stepping up one more step than
> there was in the stairway.  That will jar the fillings right out
> of your teeth if you aren't careful.
>
>     One of my favorite memories, although I could write a book on
> them, was using the teeter totter.  Some people insist upon
> calling it a seesaw but I don't mind.  So one day, I am on one end
> of the teeter totter and my best friend, Lynn, was on the other.
> Since Lynn was about fifty pounds heavier than I was, I was
> always in the air and Lynn was always on the ground poking fun at
> me.  I would really work at trying to get him off the ground, too,
> but rarely could.  Once in a blue moon, Lynn would straighten his
> legs and give a mighty shove and I would go sailing to the
> ground.  Even reaching over and holding on to the grass I couldn't
> keep him in the air.  He would laugh, call me names, and force me
> to sit in the air half the time as he continually poked fun at me.
>
>     One day another student walked by and asked what we were
> doing.  I yelled for this kid to come over and help me because
> Lynn was beating me at the game by his overwhelming weight.  The
> other kid, I forget who he was now, came over and jumped on my end
> of the seesaw.  Lynn went shooting up into the air.  He bounced up
> and down, bellowed like a bull, and did everything in his power to
> gain the advantage once again.  Unknown to Lynn, my friend and I
> were grabbing fist fulls of grass and leaning backward as far as
> we could to give us the extra leverage needed to keep Lynn from
> overpowering our unbalanced hold on victory.
>
>     Moments later, another student happened to walk by and asked
> what in the Sam Hill we were all yelling about.  I begged for the
> kid to jump on our side but Lynn promised him everything in the
> world if he'd join his side so he did.  Up in the air we went and
> we found ourselves helpless to do a thing.
>
>     Soon, another student came by and asked what was happening.
> I quickly enlisted his assistance.  Climbing on to our side of the
> teeter totter, up went Lynn and the other student and three of us
> were able to once again keep him in the air.
>
>     Well, by now, you guessed the rest.  Student after student
> passed by and we enlisted every one of them until we had four kids
> on one side of the teeter totter and five on my side.  It was now
> a battle of just ounces that made the difference instead of
> pounds.  The only way my side kept the other boys high in the air
> was by holding on to the grass.  Once and awhile, the grass would
> tear loose and we would slowly begin to rise.  The balance between
> the two sides was that delicate.  It was a miracle, with all of
> that weight on either side, we didn't permanently bend the teeter
> totter into a pretzel.
>
>     Years later this playful event reminded me of how many of us,
> as Christians, live our lives.  I was taught that spiritual
> Christians never talked about things that still bothered them.
> Like guilt, for example.  If you did, it meant a flaw in your
> Christian character.  Another way of saying that would have been,
> you are less spiritual than others.
>
>     You committed this horrible sin once and maybe you were a
> Christian at the time and maybe you weren't.  Regardless, you
> confessed the sin, oh, at least twenty thousand times in your life
> but the guilt keeps coming back.  Sometimes it stayed away for two
> or three years but you were much younger then.  Now that you are
> aging, it generally pops up more frequently.  Of course, each time
> the delicate balance is off set, up you go, and you confess it
> again a few more times.  Oddly enough, confessing your sin to the
> Lord has somehow lost its effectiveness the older you have gotten
> or perhaps it is due to the number of personal confessions.  Why?
> Oh, I don't know.  Maybe it is because you are now 50 or 60 years
> old and God's Word doesn't work quite as well as it did when you
> were twenty or 25 years old.  Maybe its because you really don't
> mean it now like you did when you were younger.  After all, back
> then you had your whole life out there in front of you and you
> wanted to live for God with all your heart.  In fact, you even
> wanted to be a missionary and go to Africa.  Now, most of your
> life is behind you so maybe that's why it seems harder.  Maybe God
> is just sick of hearing you talking about it so much, He leaves
> you high in the air, the guilt as your punishment, while at the
> same time, He makes fun of you looking so ridiculous way up
> there; exposed and spiritually conspicuous for all to see how dumb
> you really are.  Perhaps the real truth is, you were never really
> sorry for what you did in the first place or maybe the cross of
> Christ, especially if what you did was before you got saved, just
> didn't happen to cover that particular sin.  Regardless of the
> reason, the pain of that guilt is getting deeper and deeper and
> mighty heavy.  Frankly, you're sick of it but you don't know what
> to do.
>
>     If, of course, your Christian friends knew about it, you'd
> be without friends in seconds.  It also isn't something you can
> stand up in church and give a testimony about either because
> you've heard thousands of testimonies in church and there's never
> been one like what you did.  So what do you do about it now?
>
>     Once upon a time, you thought confessing to a friend would
> help so you did, in complete confidence of course, but your friend
> wasn't very understanding.  You eventually ended up having to
> change churches, too, because for some strange reason, people
> started ignoring you at church.  This made you wonder why and now
> you had a little of paranoia floating around and bumping into the
> delicate balance of painful guilt.
>
>     Changing churches, of course, helped a lot.  It was a bigger
> church, with way more people, and you didn't know anybody by name.
> The guilt is still there, especially when you check on it, but at
> least now nobody in the church, but you, knows about it.  For some
> inexplicable reason, however, being the only one who knows about
> it doesn't make you feel one bit better.
>
>     This new church is a little more faith based it appears.
> They teach, if you are spiritually weak in a given area, find
> verses in the bible which say what God says.  Then, making a list,
> begin confessing them over and over again.  You soon discover,
> since you have never done this before, that it works well for you.
> So, whenever you feel the pain of guilt surfacing, you quickly
> quote a number of verses which make you feel better and the guilt
> is once again suppressed.
>
>     As time passes, somehow you start getting the feeling that
> you are doing all the work.  After all, if God's Word says you are
> forgiven when you confessed your sin, why do you have to
> continually keep it submerged by confessing His promise to you
> over and over again?  Odd, you think.  We don't do this concerning
> salvation, that is, we don't get saved over and over again by
> confessing verses on salvation.  So if it works for salvation, why
> isn't it working for the guilt you feel?  Now there's a good
> question if I ever heard one.
>
>     One day you make the mistake of asking this question of one
> of the assistant pastors of the megachurch you have joined.  His
> answer sounded good but frankly, you got lost in his theological
> dissertation and were too embarrassed to ask him to explain it all
> over again.
>
>     This was the way I lived my Christian life until 2002 when
> the Lord showed me the truth.  The problem is what we believe.
> Actually, it is more exact than that.  It is Whom we believe.  Let
> me explain it this way.
>
>     There is only one truth and that is spoken by God.  What you
> say, or your brother says, or your pastor says, or your Christian
> therapist says, or the devil says, and not necessarily in that
> order, is not intrinsic spiritual truth.  For example, I heard an
> idiot preacher say one day, God was so sovereign, He could look
> down upon earth some morning and say, "Well, what do you see down
> there?  Look at that mess.  I think I'll change my mind about
> salvation and start all over."  With the snap of his cosmic
> fingers, everything disappears."  The sovereignty of God doesn't
> mean God can do anything He wants to do because that is a
> theological given.  The sovereignty of God means, He, God, The
> Creator of all things by the spoken word of His mouth, will keep
> and live by his own Word no matter what you do or say or think.
> So, in doctrinal essence, absolute truth is God breathed.
>
>     Look at how this is explained in 2 Timothy 2:11-13.
>
> 11  It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall
> also live with him:
> 12  If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him,
> he also will deny us:
> 13  If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny
>      himself.
>
>     In the case of the fictitious person I am writing about, and
> this, of course, we know has never happened to anybody we know,
> their guilt kept returning.  They confessed it over and over again
> to the Lord as sin and even promised never to do it again and they
> haven't ever done it again.  the guilt of that one sinful act,
> however, and for some reason, keeps returning and resurfacing and
> it is getting heavier and heavier.  Why?  the answer is actually
> amazingly simple.  We are believing a lie.  That's right; a lie.
> Here's how it works.
>
>     Let's say you were 18 years old at the time.  during your
> freshman year of college, you decided you wanted to try the wild
> life.  Maybe Christianity was the only way but you sure were
> getting lots of other ideas in classes from professors that were a
> lot smarter than anybody you personally knew.  Besides, you'd
> never been drunk, never smoked a cigarette, or never gone to bed
> with anybody in your life.  Today protection was common place,
> too.  They nearly pass the stuff out in class.  What could it hurt
> to smoke a little dope?  The girls talking about nothing but the
> guys they went to bed with jump started your hormones and before
> long, your desire was off the scale.  Oh, and the parties.  Man,
> the parties.  You wanted to meet people and be a part of them and
> what they did and said and how they lived and have fun.
>
>     At your first party, you smoke a little hash, snort some
> powder up your nose that somebody laughingly called cool aid, and
> you drink so much booze, nothing can be remembered about the whole
> thing when you awaken the next day in bed with not one, but two
> naked boys.  Your head hurts so badly, however, you really don't
> care what happened.
>
>     Days later, you aren't feeling well but with all the new
> parties you've been attending, you figure it's just because you
> aren't getting much rest.  The sex is fantastic and you can't
> believe you waited this long to experience that much pleasure in
> your life.  Of course, you make sure all the guys are wearing
> protection so it's all cool.  Of course, do to weekends of
> intoxication or overnighters when you were so high, you could not
> completely recall much the next morning about the protection part
> of it but everything was cool.  Wasn't it?  Sure it was.
>
>     A month passes and the sickness you feel is causing you to up
> chuck sometimes in the morning.  Your moods seems to have changed
> somehow over all.  Finally you stop going to parties for a couple
> of weeks to get your strength back.  Still, getting more rest
> doesn't make you feel a whole lot better.  So you go to the
> infirmary.
>
>     You are very uncomfortable answering all the questions you
> are asked but the woman asking the questions isn't hostel or
> condemnatory in any way.  It is when she suggests you get a
> pregnancy test that your mouth literally drops open.  Leaving the
> infirmary, tears come to your eyes.  You know that can't be it.
> No, not in a million years; it just can't be.  It isn't long
> before you cannot stand not knowing and you go for the suggested
> test.  It is positive.
>
>     Finally, in desperation, you spill your guts to one of your
> friends.  She takes you to one of her friends and more
> conversation ensues.  Returning to your room that night, you lay
> on your back in the dark knowing what you have to do.  The next
> weekend, the abortion is performed.  It is over.
>
>     You've returned home because your grades have been dropping.
> It is time to get a job and live at home for awhile.  Your folks
> insist that you still attend church with them and the youth group
> functions and meetings and you do.  Besides, they are all your
> friends anyhow.
>
>     One night, following a service, the guilt, although you have
> confessed your sin over and over again, is so big, you can hardly
> walk but you can't go forward.  You wait until you get home.  The
> next day, while your father is at work, you tell your mom and you
> both cry and hold each other.  Your mom prays with you and more
> tears are shed.  That night, you both tell your father.  All three
> of you cry now and hold each other but God is put first and your
> sin is forgiven.
>
>     Two years later, you marry a 26 year old young man in the
> church who is running his own gas station.  You tell him when you
> are dating what you did but he accepts you for who you are.  You
> have a wonderful life together and raise four beautiful children.
>
>     When your first daughter goes off to college, the guilt
> surfaces and stays on top and just won't go away.  You confess it
> again and again and again.  You talk with the pastor and the
> pastor's wife.  You go to a Christian therapist.  Nothing changes.
> The pain of the guilt is so huge by this point, suicide sounds
> almost good to you.  What about your children?  You can't take
> your own life.  They need you and your husband loves you but the
> guilt just won't leave and you just can't live with it any longer.
>
>     The voices, when they begin, tell you that you are a murderer
> and you don't deserve to live.  They, furthermore, tell you that
> God doesn't forgive the unpardonable sin.  They tell you that you
> feel the guilt because God cannot forgive you.  Even the
> medications the doctor has given you aren't working and you feel
> tortured.
>
>     At this point, let me suggest that this woman is believing a
> lie.  How do I know this?  Because she feels the guilt so it must
> be true and so God hasn't forgiven her.  She knows the Bible says
> otherwise, that she is forgiven, and that her sin is cast into the
> depths of the sea and as far as the east is from the west: (See
> Micah 7:19 and Psalms 103:12).  Yet, the guilt just will not
> leave.
>
>     If God says one thing and we begin to believe something else,
> what is the source of that something else?  No, it isn't you.  You
> are born again and your spirit has the Holy Spirit dwelling within
> it.  The Holy Spirit cannot believe a lie; He can only believe the
> truth of God's Word because the Holy Spirit, you see, is God.
> This means, that your newly recreated human spirit is in perfect
> oneness with the Holy Spirit.  Thus, if the Holy Spirit cannot
> believe a lie, your human spirit can't either.  So, now, I ask you
> the question again.  What is the source of the guilt?  the answer
> is, a lie.  What is the lie?  You are still guilty even though
> God's Word says just the opposite.  So why do we believe the lie
> instead of God's truth?  It is because the Enemy has gained a
> foothold in our life.  He did this through the very first time we
> felt the false guilt he put upon our feelings and we went back to
> God and prayed, pouring out our heart, repenting all over again,
> and begging God's forgiveness.  The problem is, God had already
> forgiven.  Now we have given place to the devil by doubting God's
> Word to us as forgiven and cleansed from all unrighteousness.
>
>     The way to freedom is to find the lie, see it for what it is,
> and then let God's Word speak His truth to you.  No, you likely
> won't be able to do this on your own the first time so find
> someone who knows how it is done.  That person will pray with you,
> the lie will be exposed, and you will hear the truth of God's Word
> and the foothold, which, over the years, has become a stronghold,
> will instantly be gone and so will the guilt.
>
>     There is a delicate spiritual balance between believing the
> truth of God and believing a lie from the Enemy.  Once you
> experience and hear the truth for yourself, however, the victory
> becomes effortless and the pain vanishes and you will no longer be
> enslaved to performance base Christianity again.
>
>     If you need help, call me.
>
> Safe Place Fellowship
> Pastor Phil Scovell
> Denver, Colorado
> Mountain Time Zone
> Phone:  303-507-5175
> Web:  www.SafePlaceFellowship.Com
>
>
> Victory Isn't Something You Have; It Is Who You Are.
> www.SafePlaceFellowship.com