Hello Listers.

   I know this posting has little to do with any topic, other than the fact
that the new Olympic figure skating scoring system is computer based,
but please endulge me.

   I'm sending out the below piece, WHOOPS!, because I just
finished writing it, and it needs to be read and enjoyed very soon
-- while the winter Olympic games are still on.

   I hope that all of you enjoy it and forward it as far and wide
as you can (as you are willing, actually), along with your
invitation for your recipients to do likewise, and so on...

Thanks, Enjoy, and Happy Computing,
Peter Seymour

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


                             WHOOPS!
                        By Peter Seymour


   Four years have passed since the scandal at the Winter
Olympics in Park City, Utah, when a French figure skating judge
swapped votes with a Russian ice dancing judge. The scam had a
shot at going undetected, but in order to let the Russian skaters
slide ahead to take the gold, the French judge had to give such
low marks to the obviously superior Canadian skating pair, that
something smelled very fishy (and not like fresh fish on ice).

   In response to this scandal, the International Skating Union
(ISU) has instituted a new scoring system, designed to be both
more accurate and invulnerable to corruption. Now, the skaters
receive separate ratings for the distinct aspects of their
routines, e.g., the execution of specified moves/elements, the
difficulty of a routine, and for the choreographic artistry, with
lower marks for a routine routine, etc. etc.

   The ISU has also introduced "Whoops!" points for displays of
graceful recoveries, poise amid peril, funny fanny flops, and
wildest wipe-outs. By definition, more points for Whoops! equals
fewer for the legitimate categories, but additionally, the
scoring system is highly skewed to favor great performances over
tragedies. These Whoops! points have two purposes and one
controversial consequence:

A. To serve as consolation prizes, which can boost the spirits of
a skater at crucial moments, encouraging him/her to persevere --
all is not lost.

B. To acknowledge what casual fans of this event have long
asserted: Screw-ups have distinctive entertainment and aesthetic
value, deserving of appropriate recognition, especially for the
pairs competitions, where a woman can really whack the ice from
amazing heights.

C. In a dire situation, where Whoops! points are adding up like
numbers on a gas pump, a skater can execute a mid-program,
180-degree reversal of strategy. This daring maneuver gives the
skater a shot at saving face, at the expense of landing a triple
Lutz on top of it.

   Concentrating their contentions on the one and only
controversial consequence, many devout fans of figure skating,
ice dancing, equestrians on ice, Eskimo Kabuki, polar polka and
other flat-ice performing arts have given a cold shoulder to
Whoops! Points. The reason for this chilly reception is their
concern that the ISU, rather than declining to descend on a
slippery slope, "...is inclined to descend for the underhanded
goal of attracting the blood-thirsty fans of ice hockey, blade
boxing, Zamboni NASCAR, frio rodeo and the Ice-capades."

   But the ISU used its cold shoulders to shrug off this fishy
smell as, "...nothing more than a bluish red herring." Said one
official, "The Whoops! Points are designed to lift the overall
quality of competition, and won't provide any  screwards', as the
fanatic fans tend to contend. Only an extremely desperate skater
would try to bring home an Olympic medal by scooping the Whoops!
   "Unimaginable as such an eventuality is, to the respectable
minority of ISU officials, we have taken extra precautions to
discourage any temptation of such a gambit, especially among male
partners in the pairs events. Obviously, a man's upper-body
strength gives him the upper hand in compelling his partner, that
is, in propelling his victim.
   "As a final preparation, all three podium heights will be
accessible by means of an adjustable wheelchair ramp."


Peter Seymour, 2/16/06


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