Priceless Grandparent Stories
>
>
> 1. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into
old
> slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard
the
> children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At
last
> she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting
them
> back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the
> three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 2. A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was
like:
> We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it
hung
> from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild
raspberries
> in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last
she
> said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 3. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you
know
> how you and God are alike?"! I mentally polished my halo while I asked,
> "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 4. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word
> processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he
asked.
> "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 5. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
> decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it
was. She
> would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I
> continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I
think you
> should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 6. A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were
> ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her
> what it was. Susie raised her! hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall
not
> take the covers off thy neighbor's wife,"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 7. Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about
the
> movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The
> scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed.
In the
> middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the
submarine
> to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the
20,000
> leaks!"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 8. When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept
the
> lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
> Still, a few fireflies
> followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no
use,
> Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm
not
> sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma! ," he advised. "Mine says I'm
> four."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 10. A second grader came home from school and said to her mother,
"Mom,
> guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more than
a
> little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said,
"How
> do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just
change"y" to
> "i" and add 'es'."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 11. Children's Logic: Give me a sentence about a public servant," said
a
> teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder
pregnant."
> The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what
pregnant
> means?" she asked "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means
carrying
> a child."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 12. A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one
morning.
> He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her
> life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green
army men
> in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my
coffee?"
> Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV - "The best part of waking up
is
> soldiers in your cup!"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 13. Susie Sunshine asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of
> their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Jimmie's picture which
showed
> four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to
> represent.
> "The flight to Egypt." said Jimmy. "I see, and that must be Mary, Joseph
and
> Baby Jesus," Ms. Susie said. But who's the fourth person?" "Oh, that's
> Pontius - the Pilot."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 14. A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of
kids
> home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of
the
> fire truck was a
> Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. They
use
> him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's
just
> for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use
the
> dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
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