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I don't know if this is an appropriate place for this, but here goes
anyway. I feel so overwhelmed right now that I'm having trouble keeping
myself calm. We're staying with my husband's family for a while (could be
as long as a couple of months), and while I knew it wouldn't be exactly
easy to keep our preschool daughter GF here, I hadn't anticipated just
how trying it would be. From the big things to the minor things, I feel
like I'm fighting upstream the whole way.

For example, my in-laws are very busy people. Theye rarely cook--they
usually throw something in the microwave or order out. This means that we
always have to prepare something special for Marina. I don't mind doing
this occasionally, but I get very frustrated when her need for a varied
and healthful diet seems to fall by the wayside. While everyone else is
helping themselves to processed meat, pasta salads, macaroni and cheese,
and so on, Marina gets a hamburger reheated in the microwave for every
meal unless I personally make something else--which is very difficult
with a small baby in someone else's decidedly non-GF kitchen. It also
makes me look ungrateful when I have to keep refusing the food that's
offered.

Even something as simple as trying to keep her food separate is so hard.
Once I opened her jar of raspberry jam and found someone else's butter
and crumbs in it. If I make a special GF treat for her, other people slip
in and eat it up, even though I have a separate shelf for her stuff.

Tonight, I watched the look on Marina's face as everyone, including her
cousins,  snarfed down some chocolate cookies that she couldn't have. I
told her I would make her some cookies tomorrow that she could eat. One
of her aunts came over and said, "Well, aren't you LUCKY that you get to
have some SPECIAL cookies just for you!" Lucky? Please!

The worst part is, absolutely none of this is malicious or intended. It's
completely unconscious. These are warm, caring people who do not intend
to hurt anyone. This is what depresses me the most: If I can't even count
on intelligent, caring people to meet some basic nutritional and
emotional needs for this little girl, what can I expect from the world at
large? From schools? I am not going to be able to be there as a buffer
for Marina in most of the situations she faces. What will happen?

I am an excellent communicator. I have explained our philosophies and
Marina's needs. I have posted a sheet on the refrigerator with a clear
list of foods that are to be avoided. And yet, short of removing food
away from the plate (which I have had to do at most meals), people still
give her the wrong foods.

I am eager to have my own home again so we won't have to deal with this,
but in the meantime it's hard. It's hard to try to explain that the
crabby, surly little girl they are seeing is not always like that--that
she'd reacting to the food she's eating. I don't think that they really
believe us when we tell them that Marina is NOT like what they are
seeing. It is, all around, difficult for everyone.

Sorry for this very long posting. I needed to vent a bit, and I was
hoping that someone might have some words of wisdom. I want Christmas to
be a positive experience for us.  (Incidentally, if anyone wants to send
me a private reply, please indicate in the subject line that this is
private for Trisha--I'm using my father-in-law's e-mail for this, and I
don't want to hurt his feelings if he sees any of this. They have been so
wonderful to us. It's just not a perfect world, and tonight I'm
overwhelmed by it.)  Thank you to all the listmates who have been such a
source of information and support to us. --Trisha (temporarily in Michigan)

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Harold W. Stevenson
Professor of Psychology, University of Michigan
300 North Ingalls, Ann Arbor, 48109
email: [log in to unmask]
web: http://chgdss10.chgd.med.umich.edu/~hstevens