Kathy,
I know you are right on target with all this.
Don't be ahsamed for monitoring.
This is a contest of wills, and God's will will win. Keep up the vigilance
and digilance.
Vinny
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kathy Du Bois" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, August 01, 2005 5:23 AM
Subject: Re: It didn't go over well.


> Hey Brad,
>          I agree with you completely.  I don't feel one bit guilty
> for the invasion of privacy.  I've been tapping his phone calls for
> about nine months now and we were monitering his instant messaging
> until the program got a glitch in it.  Greg thinks that it was a
> deamon.  GRIN!  Anyway, we're not going to bother doing anything
> about it until we get back in case it messes up again.  I've
> explained the reason that we feel a need to moniter and I keep saying
> to him, when he complains, "I wish that the need for this had never
> arrived, but since you insist on acting out instead of repenting, I
> am doing nothing wrong.  I am protecting the others in the house."
>          The latest now is that he has taken up smoking again because
> his girl friend is too weak to quit.  Tomorrow, during our session,
> we are informing him that he has lost the privalege of the basement
> room which gives him access to the outside without going through the
> house.  When we get back from vacation, he will move upstairs and we
> will move Matt down.  He will be furious, but too bad.  It's either
> that or we talk to his probation officer about finding another place
> now.  Hope his little cancer  sticks are worth it.
>          By the way Bradly, I've told you before, its Kathleen, not
> Kathryn!  Tsk, Tsk!  GRIN!
> Kathy
>
>
> At 12:52 AM 7/30/2005, you wrote:
> >Kathy,
> >
> >Isn't that something? He  breaks the house rules, and yet he  is the one
> >getting angry. We had a situation or need to search our sons room/car
once
> >based off some info we were approached on, thankfully that was only a
> >short time of curiosity which  scared the heck out of him. Anyway, I felt
> >the need to search was not an invasion of privacy as there was an illegal
> >action and therefore right to privacy was forfeited by him. I explained
> >this to him as well, and expressed disappointment that he put me in a
such
> >a position and that trust was broken. I've always stressed the need for
> >trust among family members, as what else is the relationship worth
without
> >it. Over the years times it has been broken but not without a deeper
sense
> >of loss than the deed , lie, or whatever itself. I know that has been
> >severely abused by Chris, but perhaps that can be a part of your
> >explanation to him for what it is worth to him. This happened twice and I
> >had no guilt or problem searching. It was for his safety and  proper
> >addressing of the issue. No matter the age, anyone living in my home and
> >performs a illegal act has voluntarily forfeited their rights to privacy.
> >Perhaps this disclosure is best. After all if he asked you out right,
what
> >other choice did you have? Lie to him and say no, and expect him then to
> >tell you the truth? No matter how he suspected the phone tap, you did
> >right by your answer. Oh, one more tip Katherine , never, never, never
and
> >I mean never call your child by their full name lol, they know trouble is
> >up and it sets them off immediately. Praying for a peaceful and enjoyable
> >vacation. Do not let Chris rob you of that.
> >
> >Brad
> >
> >on 05:22 PM 7/29/2005, Kathy Du Bois said:
> >Well guys,
> >          Thank you for the advice.  My inttention was to follow the
wisdom
> >offered
> >here and wait to talk to the therapist.  Unfortunately, it didn't work
out
> >that way.  Chris came in this morning as I was reading my email.  I don't
> >know if he saw anything, but he asked me point blank if I had heard
> >anything interesting on the phone lately.  I paused for a moment and then
> >decided that honesty is the best policy so I said, "yes."  He asked me
> >what
> >and I said, "I love you very much christopher."  Then he started getting
> >angry.  I think that he thought that I was dodging his question, but I
got
> >up  and asked him to come with me to talk to Greg.  When we got into my
> >bedroom, I told Greg that Chris had asked me straight out if I had heard
> >anything interesting and Greg agreed with me that we should just tell the
> >truth.  We asked to see Chris's wrists.  At first he resisted, but he
> >finally took the bandage off.  It is four small cuts.  We talked to him
> >about the point that this isn't the way to handle frustration or
> >disappointment and we asked him to talk to his therapist about this next
> >week.  He said that he would, but of course, we'll still be giving the
> >therapist the heads up as well.    What a time to go on vacation!!
> >          Chris is  angry at the invasion of privacy.  I understand this,
> >but we
> >have also tried to explain that we believe that we must do some
monitering
> >for safety reasons.  If he would repent and start making smarter
> >decisions,
> >we wouldn't have to do this, but as long as we are responsible for him,
we
> >want to know what he won't tell us.
> >          93 days and he turns 18.  This next Tuesday, we are going to
> >review a
> >contract with him, with the help of a court ordered  family counselor
> >concerning what we expect if he is to remain here, especially after he
> >turns 18.  I rather doubt, at this point, however, that he will.  Where
he
> >will go, I don't know, but our family can't keep going through this
> >craziness.
> >          I know that, from my messages, you guys probably have a hard
time
> >figuring
> >out whether life is better or worse for our family.  Well, every day is
> >different.  Sometimes its okay and sometimes, like today, it is worse,
but
> >it sure isn't a picnic.
> >Kathy
>