Brad,
He found out that we were monitering some of his phone calls a few weeks
ago when we felt it necessary to tell her parents that she had an
appointment at Planned Parenthood to go on birth controll.  Chris was
really upset at first.  Who wouldn't be?  Later, however, he and I had a
very lengthy discussion about why we were monitering and the risks of birth
controll and so forth and it ended on a positive note.  Sense then,
however, he is leery, and I also understand that, because he never  knows
what I know, but I am appreciating the ambiguity for now as a tool that is
working.  This will blow it out of the water again, however.
Kathy


At 07:16 PM 7/28/2005, you wrote:
>Kathy,
>
>Perhaps this is a silly question, but does Chris know you are monitoring?
>I ask because I don't know if you have  such as an open concept or
>awareness guardian or if he is unaware. If unaware, if it were me, I'd
>pray and say nothing, and perhaps enter conversation that would lend  him
>to be open yet not so much he knows  something's up. In any case prayer is
>always first  and best.  Sounds like he'll do anything to keep her
>attention. I think this is at first flattering to a girl/woman, but later
>seen as a sign of weakness and a big turn off unless the woman is a
>control freak and then there's even more trouble.  If perhaps , she comes
>to the house now and again, lean conversation towards a spiritual side.
>Being a pastor's house that would be pretty easy and natural to do. I
>guess my advice in short is to pray and leave the door open and even crack
>it a bit with conversation for forward progress with either of them. The
>wrist thing is a concern, hopefully just an attention thing. Nonetheless
>all such things ought be taken heed and additional signs be waited for in
>that regard.
>
>Brad
>
>
>on 05:05 PM 7/28/2005, Kathy Du Bois said:
>Okay guys,
>          Yes, this is a Chris question.  I would appreciate some
>advice.  Okay,
>yesterday, Chris's girl friend told him that she cheated on him while he
>was in jail last spring.  I learned this through monitering, of
>course.  Chris has not talked to me directly.  Chris was so upset that he
>slashed a wrist, I believe only  slightly.  He told her about that too, so
>I'm asuming that it was an attention ploy of some sort.  Chris has also
>encouraged her to give up smoking, and she admitted to him yesterday that
>she has been lying to him about having quit as well.  Chris, rather than
>encouraging her to continue trying to quit, is offering to share
>cigarettes
>with her so that she won't feel bad. Chris had already given up smoking,
>but he's willing to go back to it for her.    He's looking like such a
>pathetic and clingy person right now that it makes me sick.
>          On Tuesday night, Nicki found one of those tracts on her porch
>that looks
>like a one hundred dollar bill, but has the plan of salvation on it.  She
>started reading it to Chris and getting convicted about her life, but
>chris
>tried to assure her that sin isn't her fault, but Adam and Eve's fault and
>she doesn't have to worry.  She felt better after he told her this, but
>still made these confessions yesterday.  I believe that Nicki's heart may
>be growing tender toward the Lord, but I don't know what to do besides
>pray
>and I don't know if I should talk to Chris directly about what I know and
>try to help him or just tell the therapist and let him try to help Chris
>in
>a more objective setting.  Chris wore a long sleaved shirt today.  I don't
>think that he wanted us to know anything, just her, about his wrist, that
>is.  Guys, I am in such unfamiliar territory right now that I just don't
>know what to do, which means that I'd better not do anything with out a
>lot
>of counsel from other mature Christians.  What would you do?
>Kathy