Thanks loving Pat I sent them to my other list
--
Christ is either Lord of all or he is not Lord at all.
Karen Carter '74
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> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed
>
> Subject: Christian Humor. !!
>
>
> There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her
> brother in another part of the country.
> "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
> "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
> ***********************************************************
> "Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
> There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord,"
> and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's
> morning."
> ===================================================
> A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he
> was short of time and couldn't find a
> space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that
> read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss
> my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
> When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this
> note "I've circled this block for 10
> years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into
> temptation."
> ===========================================================
> There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
> congregation: "I have good news and bad
> >>news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building
> program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
> =========================================================
> While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
> The owner of the carriage obviously had a
> sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand
> printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.
> Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
> =======================================================
> A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls,
> what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!"
> said the kindergarten boy.
> "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who
> does art in Heaven... "
> =========================================================
> A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a
> long holiday weekend. The attendant worked
> quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant
> motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so
> sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute
> to get ready for a long trip.
> " The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
> ===========================================================
> People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center
> of attention.
> ===========================================================
> A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what
> the Bible means!" His father smiled and
> replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
> The son replied, "I do know!"
> "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
> "That's easy, Daddy." the young boy replied excitedly, "It stands for
> "Basic Information Before Leaving Earth."
> ============================================================
>
> Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson
> was about. The daughter answered,
> "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
> Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor
> stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what
> that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy
> comforter is coming."
> ==========================================================
> The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask
> the congregation to come up with more money
> than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
> >> Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick
> and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute
> wanted to know what to play.
> "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently.
> "But, you'll have to think of s omething to play after I make the
> announcement about the finances."
>
> During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we
> are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice
> as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge
> $100 or more, please stand up."
> At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
> And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
>
> Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
> Give me the grace to see a joke,
> To get some humor out of life,
> And Pass Along To Other Folk !
>
> --=====================_31456039==.ALT
> Content-Type: text/html; charset="us-ascii"
>
> <html>
> <body>
> <font face="arial" size=2> Sub</font><b>ject:</b> Christian
> Humor<font face="Comic Sans MS" color="#800080"><b><i>. !!<br>
> <br>
> <br>
> </i></b></font>
> <dl>
> <dd><font face="Times New Roman, Times"> There was a very gracious
> lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part
> of the country.<br>
>
> <dd>"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal
> clerk.<br>
>
> <dd>"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.<br>
>
> <dd>***********************************************************<br>
>
> <dd>"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the
> world.<br>
>
> <dd> There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good
> morning, Lord,"<br>
>
> <dd>and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good
> Lord, it's morning."<br>
>
> <dd> ===================================================<br>
>
> <dd>A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city
> because he was short of time and couldn't find a<br>
>
> <dd>space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper
> that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here,
> I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."<br>
>
> <dd>When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along
> with this note "I've circled this block for 10<br>
>
> <dd>years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job.
> Lead us not into temptation."<br>
>
> <dd> ===========================================================<br>
>
> <dd>There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to
> his congregation: "I have good news and bad<br>
>
> <dd>>>news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our
> new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your
> pockets."<br>
>
> <dd> =========================================================<br>
>
> <dd> While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish
> carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a<br>
>
> <dd>sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a
> hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and
> grass.<br>
>
> <dd> Caution: Do not step in exhaust."<br>
>
> <dd> =======================================================<br>
>
> <dd>A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys
> and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air.
> "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.<br>
>
> <dd>"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You
> know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "<br>
>
> <dd> =========================================================<br>
>
> <dd>A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before
> a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked<br>
>
> <dd>quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the
> attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said
> the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if
> everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.<br>
>
> <dd>" The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the
> same in my business."<br>
>
> <dd> ===========================================================<br>
>
> <dd> People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and
> the center of attention.<br>
>
> <dd> ===========================================================<br>
>
> <dd>A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly,
> "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and<br>
>
> <dd>replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible
> means?"<br>
>
> <dd> The son replied, "I do know!"<br>
>
> <dd>"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible
> mean?"<br>
>
> <dd> "That's easy, Daddy." the young boy replied
> excitedly, "It stands for "Basic Information Before Leaving
> Earth."<br>
>
> <dd> ============================================================<br><br>
>
> </dl>Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the
> lesson was about. The daughter answered,<br>
> "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."<br>
> Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the
> pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what<br>
> that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not
> afraid, thy comforter is coming."<br>
> ==========================================================<br>
> The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was
> going to ask the congregation to come up with more money<br>
> than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.<br>
> >> Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was
> sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The
> substitute wanted to know what to play.<br>
> "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently.<br>
> "But, you'll have to think of s omething to play after I make the
> announcement about the finances."<br><br>
> During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and
> Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice<br>
> as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge
> $100 or more, please stand up."<br>
> At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled
> Banner."<br>
> And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!<br><br>
> Give me a sense of humor, Lord,<br>
> Give me the grace to see a joke,<br>
> To get some humor out of life,<br>
> And Pass Along To Other Folk !<br>
> </font></body>
> </html>
>
> --=====================_31456039==.ALT--
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