Kathy,
    After what you've just said I don't think you have anything to apologize
to him for because your doing your job as a parent and you have reasons to
do what you are doing.

Amy
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kathy Du Bois" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2005 9:54 AM
Subject: Re: How it went.


> Actually, those are really good questions.  Thank you for that and I can
> answer "yes," to a lot of ;them.  I believe that our kowing what is going
> on has helped to keep the leash a lot shorter than it could have been.
For
> example, one of Chris's friends is very deep in to drugs.  His mother has
> chosen to bury her head in the sand, so to speak and we know that he is
> really messed up.  It's sad because he was really a smart, creative boy at
> one time.  We've been able to pray through a lot of situations because we
> were aware of them, for example, the money that he lost last week.  The
> trust issue is something that I do worry about.  I also don't think that
> what we are doing is wrong so I don't know if I would feel ready to
> apologize at this point.  I suppose that that sounds crazy, but that's how
> I see it.  We didn't start out be suspecting him.  We responded to his
> suspicious behavior.  I'm not sure where Chris would be if we had just let
> him slip away.  Also, we do have responsibility for him until he is
> 18.  Trying to figure out how to accomplish that is more of our
> dilemma.  Soon, we will be able to cut the strings legally, send him off
> and then we won't know anything, but in the meantime, while we are being
> held legally responsible, the boundaries are tough.  I mean, the father of
> the prodigal son didn't have to say, "I'm sorry sun, you'll have to wait
> until you're 18."  The son wanted to take off and the father let him
> go.  We would let him go, but we can't yet legally.    However, we would
> feel irresponsible if we just tried to pretend we didn't know anything
> while he is still under our roof.  So, now we know, but do we know too
much?
> Kathy
>
>
> At 09:05 AM 6/23/2005, you wrote:
> >Kathy, Dear,
> >
> >Perhaps you should assess what your monitoring has accompished.  Has it
> >kept Chris out of jail?  Has it made his reputation with the authorities
> >better?  Has it kept him from using illegal drugs?  Has it stopped him
from
> >being deceitful?  Has it calmed him down so he isn't violent against
> >you?  Has it brought you peace and satisfaction knowing what he is up
> >to?  Are you, Greg, Chris and your other children any better off than
> >before you began the monitoring?  I pray that you can reply yes to some
of
> >these questions, and I refer only to the monitoring, not to any of the
> >other efforts you have put forth.
> >
> >  From what information I have been able to get on drug testing using
urine,
> >if a legitimate laboratory does the test and the sample is clear, it will
> >be suspected that it has been watered down.  A good lab will do further
> >testing, like checking the person's creatinine levels, or even do the
test
> >on hair or perspiration.   I can't imagine that plain water would pass
the
> >test if the test is done correctly.
> >
> >I am so sorry that you have experienced such turmoil in your life.  But
> >before you make a decision to tell Chris you have been monitoring him,
> >consider what the consequences of that may be.  I know you don't trust
> >Chris, and that you have monitored him out of your love, wanting to help
> >him, but telling him just may so turn him against you and Greg that he
will
> >lose all respect for you.  He could turn bitter and resentful knowing
that
> >you cannot be relied upon to tell him the truth.  And how will telling
him
> >affect your witness as a Christian??  Even if you told him and apologized
> >for it, would he ever trust you again?
> >
> >This may seem harsh, but I certainly don't mean it that way.  One very
> >important thing to remember while wondering what to do in this situation,
> >is that you and Greg are the adults, not Chris.  He is a rebellious
child,
> >more interested in pleasing his peers than in pleasing you or the
> >Lord.  You may have to just let him go and make all the mistakes he needs
> >to make before God brings him to his knees.  And believe me, He will!
> >
> >Hang in there, dear Kathy!  This nightmare will end, and the dawning of a
> >new day will bring you the Peace that passes understanding.  God knows
your
> >heart's cry for your son.  He wept for His own Son as He hung upon that
> >cross at Calvary, and may even weep today over the rejection of Him by so
> >many who have had the opportunity to come, but refused.
> >
> >With love and deep concern,
> >Helen
> >
> >Earlier, Kathy Du Bois wrote:
> > >Hi guys,
> > >         Well, I told you that there would be twists and turns.  Chris
> > > passed the
> > >drug test.  That really shocked us until we got home and monitered his
> > >calls to his girlfriend and his druggy friend and learned that he
cheated
> > >and put water in the cup.  His girlfriends had told him to make sure
that
> > >it was warm, not cold.  Chris followed her advice and got another clean
> > >report.  Now he thinks that he's in the clear until his court date July
> > >12th.  Last night, I overheard him trying to meet up with another
dealer to
> > >get some weed.  Chris is getting money because he is doing some odd
jobs
> > >for our neighbor, who doesn't have the greatest reputation either.
this
> > >guy pays Chris in cash so we never see it.  chris doesn't tell us how
much
> > >he is getting, so we can't put a finger on how much he has so he can
keep
> > >trying to get weed, but pretend to be innocent with us.  It's crazy
making.
> > >         I have to admit that, for me, yesterday was a real
> > > cricess  moment in my
> > >faith.  I believe that we did all the right things.  We tried to have
> > >him  hold Chris accountable and face the consequences of his actions.
Now,
> > >I wrestle with the question of, "why?"  It's that same old question
that
> > >God doesn't usually answer, but I'm puzzling over why God let Chris get
> > >away with this?  I'm feeling let down by Him!
> > >         Another issue that Greg and I are wrestling with is whether or
> > not we
> > >should let Chris know that he is being monitered so closely by us.  We
> > >began monitering when Chris started sneaking out in the middle of the
night
> > >and not telling us where he had been or where he was going  and
refusing to
> > >give us the names of his friends.  He never seemed to have any money
and
> > >this was odd since he was earning more than $100 a week.     He
wouldn't
> > >talk to us so we started investigating on our own to try to get a
handle on
> > >things.  We've managed to get a couple of people busted and we have
been
> > >able to continue to be very aware of Chris's activities:  something we
feel
> > >is justified since he is still under our roof and we are still
completely
> > >responsible for him.  But, I'm interested in your opinions.  Would you
> > >tell?  Have we fallen into the trap of being deceitful just like Chris
is,
> > >or are we doing the right thing?  You know, in a way, I think about how
God
> > >knows everything  too, but He knows what He is doing.  He knows what is
> > >right.  I need to seek the counsel of others for in that there is
wisdom.
> > >Kathy