Actually, those are really good questions.  Thank you for that and I can
answer "yes," to a lot of ;them.  I believe that our kowing what is going
on has helped to keep the leash a lot shorter than it could have been.  For
example, one of Chris's friends is very deep in to drugs.  His mother has
chosen to bury her head in the sand, so to speak and we know that he is
really messed up.  It's sad because he was really a smart, creative boy at
one time.  We've been able to pray through a lot of situations because we
were aware of them, for example, the money that he lost last week.  The
trust issue is something that I do worry about.  I also don't think that
what we are doing is wrong so I don't know if I would feel ready to
apologize at this point.  I suppose that that sounds crazy, but that's how
I see it.  We didn't start out be suspecting him.  We responded to his
suspicious behavior.  I'm not sure where Chris would be if we had just let
him slip away.  Also, we do have responsibility for him until he is
18.  Trying to figure out how to accomplish that is more of our
dilemma.  Soon, we will be able to cut the strings legally, send him off
and then we won't know anything, but in the meantime, while we are being
held legally responsible, the boundaries are tough.  I mean, the father of
the prodigal son didn't have to say, "I'm sorry sun, you'll have to wait
until you're 18."  The son wanted to take off and the father let him
go.  We would let him go, but we can't yet legally.    However, we would
feel irresponsible if we just tried to pretend we didn't know anything
while he is still under our roof.  So, now we know, but do we know too much?
Kathy


At 09:05 AM 6/23/2005, you wrote:
>Kathy, Dear,
>
>Perhaps you should assess what your monitoring has accompished.  Has it
>kept Chris out of jail?  Has it made his reputation with the authorities
>better?  Has it kept him from using illegal drugs?  Has it stopped him from
>being deceitful?  Has it calmed him down so he isn't violent against
>you?  Has it brought you peace and satisfaction knowing what he is up
>to?  Are you, Greg, Chris and your other children any better off than
>before you began the monitoring?  I pray that you can reply yes to some of
>these questions, and I refer only to the monitoring, not to any of the
>other efforts you have put forth.
>
>  From what information I have been able to get on drug testing using urine,
>if a legitimate laboratory does the test and the sample is clear, it will
>be suspected that it has been watered down.  A good lab will do further
>testing, like checking the person's creatinine levels, or even do the test
>on hair or perspiration.   I can't imagine that plain water would pass the
>test if the test is done correctly.
>
>I am so sorry that you have experienced such turmoil in your life.  But
>before you make a decision to tell Chris you have been monitoring him,
>consider what the consequences of that may be.  I know you don't trust
>Chris, and that you have monitored him out of your love, wanting to help
>him, but telling him just may so turn him against you and Greg that he will
>lose all respect for you.  He could turn bitter and resentful knowing that
>you cannot be relied upon to tell him the truth.  And how will telling him
>affect your witness as a Christian??  Even if you told him and apologized
>for it, would he ever trust you again?
>
>This may seem harsh, but I certainly don't mean it that way.  One very
>important thing to remember while wondering what to do in this situation,
>is that you and Greg are the adults, not Chris.  He is a rebellious child,
>more interested in pleasing his peers than in pleasing you or the
>Lord.  You may have to just let him go and make all the mistakes he needs
>to make before God brings him to his knees.  And believe me, He will!
>
>Hang in there, dear Kathy!  This nightmare will end, and the dawning of a
>new day will bring you the Peace that passes understanding.  God knows your
>heart's cry for your son.  He wept for His own Son as He hung upon that
>cross at Calvary, and may even weep today over the rejection of Him by so
>many who have had the opportunity to come, but refused.
>
>With love and deep concern,
>Helen
>
>Earlier, Kathy Du Bois wrote:
> >Hi guys,
> >         Well, I told you that there would be twists and turns.  Chris
> > passed the
> >drug test.  That really shocked us until we got home and monitered his
> >calls to his girlfriend and his druggy friend and learned that he cheated
> >and put water in the cup.  His girlfriends had told him to make sure that
> >it was warm, not cold.  Chris followed her advice and got another clean
> >report.  Now he thinks that he's in the clear until his court date July
> >12th.  Last night, I overheard him trying to meet up with another dealer to
> >get some weed.  Chris is getting money because he is doing some odd jobs
> >for our neighbor, who doesn't have the greatest reputation either.  this
> >guy pays Chris in cash so we never see it.  chris doesn't tell us how much
> >he is getting, so we can't put a finger on how much he has so he can keep
> >trying to get weed, but pretend to be innocent with us.  It's crazy making.
> >         I have to admit that, for me, yesterday was a real
> > cricess  moment in my
> >faith.  I believe that we did all the right things.  We tried to have
> >him  hold Chris accountable and face the consequences of his actions.  Now,
> >I wrestle with the question of, "why?"  It's that same old question that
> >God doesn't usually answer, but I'm puzzling over why God let Chris get
> >away with this?  I'm feeling let down by Him!
> >         Another issue that Greg and I are wrestling with is whether or
> not we
> >should let Chris know that he is being monitered so closely by us.  We
> >began monitering when Chris started sneaking out in the middle of the night
> >and not telling us where he had been or where he was going  and refusing to
> >give us the names of his friends.  He never seemed to have any money and
> >this was odd since he was earning more than $100 a week.     He wouldn't
> >talk to us so we started investigating on our own to try to get a handle on
> >things.  We've managed to get a couple of people busted and we have been
> >able to continue to be very aware of Chris's activities:  something we feel
> >is justified since he is still under our roof and we are still completely
> >responsible for him.  But, I'm interested in your opinions.  Would you
> >tell?  Have we fallen into the trap of being deceitful just like Chris is,
> >or are we doing the right thing?  You know, in a way, I think about how God
> >knows everything  too, but He knows what He is doing.  He knows what is
> >right.  I need to seek the counsel of others for in that there is wisdom.
> >Kathy