Also make him smoke outside. No cancer sticks allowed in the home.
--
Christ is either Lord of all or he is not Lord at all.
Karen Carter '74
> Hey Brad,
> I agree with you completely. I don't feel one bit guilty
> for the invasion of privacy. I've been tapping his phone calls for
> about nine months now and we were monitering his instant messaging
> until the program got a glitch in it. Greg thinks that it was a
> deamon. GRIN! Anyway, we're not going to bother doing anything
> about it until we get back in case it messes up again. I've
> explained the reason that we feel a need to moniter and I keep saying
> to him, when he complains, "I wish that the need for this had never
> arrived, but since you insist on acting out instead of repenting, I
> am doing nothing wrong. I am protecting the others in the house."
> The latest now is that he has taken up smoking again because
> his girl friend is too weak to quit. Tomorrow, during our session,
> we are informing him that he has lost the privalege of the basement
> room which gives him access to the outside without going through the
> house. When we get back from vacation, he will move upstairs and we
> will move Matt down. He will be furious, but too bad. It's either
> that or we talk to his probation officer about finding another place
> now. Hope his little cancer sticks are worth it.
> By the way Bradly, I've told you before, its Kathleen, not
> Kathryn! Tsk, Tsk! GRIN!
> Kathy
>
>
> At 12:52 AM 7/30/2005, you wrote:
> >Kathy,
> >
> >Isn't that something? He breaks the house rules, and yet he is the one
> >getting angry. We had a situation or need to search our sons room/car once
> >based off some info we were approached on, thankfully that was only a
> >short time of curiosity which scared the heck out of him. Anyway, I felt
> >the need to search was not an invasion of privacy as there was an illegal
> >action and therefore right to privacy was forfeited by him. I explained
> >this to him as well, and expressed disappointment that he put me in a such
> >a position and that trust was broken. I've always stressed the need for
> >trust among family members, as what else is the relationship worth without
> >it. Over the years times it has been broken but not without a deeper sense
> >of loss than the deed , lie, or whatever itself. I know that has been
> >severely abused by Chris, but perhaps that can be a part of your
> >explanation to him for what it is worth to him. This happened twice and I
> >had no guilt or problem searching. It was for his safety and proper
> >addressing of the issue. No matter the age, anyone living in my home and
> >performs a illegal act has voluntarily forfeited their rights to privacy.
> >Perhaps this disclosure is best. After all if he asked you out right, what
> >other choice did you have? Lie to him and say no, and expect him then to
> >tell you the truth? No matter how he suspected the phone tap, you did
> >right by your answer. Oh, one more tip Katherine , never, never, never and
> >I mean never call your child by their full name lol, they know trouble is
> >up and it sets them off immediately. Praying for a peaceful and enjoyable
> >vacation. Do not let Chris rob you of that.
> >
> >Brad
> >
> >on 05:22 PM 7/29/2005, Kathy Du Bois said:
> >Well guys,
> > Thank you for the advice. My inttention was to follow the wisdom
> >offered
> >here and wait to talk to the therapist. Unfortunately, it didn't work out
> >that way. Chris came in this morning as I was reading my email. I don't
> >know if he saw anything, but he asked me point blank if I had heard
> >anything interesting on the phone lately. I paused for a moment and then
> >decided that honesty is the best policy so I said, "yes." He asked me
> >what
> >and I said, "I love you very much christopher." Then he started getting
> >angry. I think that he thought that I was dodging his question, but I got
> >up and asked him to come with me to talk to Greg. When we got into my
> >bedroom, I told Greg that Chris had asked me straight out if I had heard
> >anything interesting and Greg agreed with me that we should just tell the
> >truth. We asked to see Chris's wrists. At first he resisted, but he
> >finally took the bandage off. It is four small cuts. We talked to him
> >about the point that this isn't the way to handle frustration or
> >disappointment and we asked him to talk to his therapist about this next
> >week. He said that he would, but of course, we'll still be giving the
> >therapist the heads up as well. What a time to go on vacation!!
> > Chris is angry at the invasion of privacy. I understand this,
> >but we
> >have also tried to explain that we believe that we must do some monitering
> >for safety reasons. If he would repent and start making smarter
> >decisions,
> >we wouldn't have to do this, but as long as we are responsible for him, we
> >want to know what he won't tell us.
> > 93 days and he turns 18. This next Tuesday, we are going to
> >review a
> >contract with him, with the help of a court ordered family counselor
> >concerning what we expect if he is to remain here, especially after he
> >turns 18. I rather doubt, at this point, however, that he will. Where he
> >will go, I don't know, but our family can't keep going through this
> >craziness.
> > I know that, from my messages, you guys probably have a hard time
> >figuring
> >out whether life is better or worse for our family. Well, every day is
> >different. Sometimes its okay and sometimes, like today, it is worse, but
> >it sure isn't a picnic.
> >Kathy
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