Carol recently wrote this. She is still quite physically ill but she hasn't
given up, thank God, and she sent this for me to post on my website. I have
done so but for those who prefer to read it now, here it is.
Phil.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BECOME WELL?
By Carol P
One day, as I was going through a time of deep sorrow and
trauma and God was healing me in many places following the death
of my father and especially in the area of bereavement, I felt a
burden too heavy and dark and horrible even to handle. It felt as
though it was that "immovable mountain" so much bigger than
myself, but it was not so big that God could not remove it!
As we prayed, I was asked if I wanted this burden to be
removed and encouraged to give it to the Lord. "Yes, I did want
Him to take it, and I wanted to give it - but how could I?" It
was far too big . . .. I felt I couldn't even lift it!
As I looked for a way, God spoke to me and called me to come
into His safe place, the shelter from the storm, and let Him do
the rest. He spoke to me with a verse from the Bible which says
"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs
into it and is safe." (Proverbs 18:10).
Yes, it was easy too! No sooner had I turned to Him and
began to run to Him than He was there with me and the burden was
no longer my responsibility but His! He took it and many others
also at that time and I found healing and release from many heavy
burdens!
I began to see what a wonderfully safe place I had in Him and
desired to remain there always, sheltered from the storms of life,
as He carried my burdens and I received afresh from Him the
protection He offers His children. What a wonderful sense of
peace that brought!
Let me explain this a little more. In my early life I
suffered a good deal of mental and physical abuse, and also went
through a number of traumatic events. These began with a very
premature birth, a "near death" experience at two days old,
followed by some long-term rejection by my mother, whilst my
father had work which took him away from home on a schedule which
was far too complex for a small child to understand. I was forced
to leave home to attend a school for the blind at the age of two
and a half . . . Oh, yes, and the story goes on . . . and on! The
deep-seated real grief that I experienced over and over and over
again, together with anxiety and fear as I was forced to be away
from my parents and in new surroundings caused great pain in my
little life, such that I was not able to cope with it in a normal
way. I became what is termed "Dissociated", where parts of my
mind became fragmented as I developed my own special, complex
"coping" mechanisms in order to survive. This is now known as
"Dissociative Identity Disorder" (DID for short). It was formerly
referred to as "Multiple Personality Disorder", MPD), but this
was felt to be a misleading term. A person with DID(MPD) does
have two or more entities, (personality states) each with its own
independent way of perceiving, thinking, remembering and relating
to the person's life. If more than one of these entities
(sometimes called "personalities") control the person's behavior
at a given time a diagnosis of MPD can be made. "Dissociation" is
real. It is now not considered to be a psychosis nor a
personality disorder but is documented by the professionals to be
a very sophisticated survival mechanism for coping with
overwhelming and often (as in my case) enduring, childhood
trauma." dissociative Disorders (DD) are now much wider
recognized and are understood to be fairly common effects of
severe trauma in early childhood which can be extreme and often
require long-term treatment which is usually carried out by
psychiatrists and/or psychologists.
This all may sound a little "far fetched" to you as you read,
but I assure you that this Dissociated Identity Disorder from
which I suffered is real. It is now well documented on the
Internet. (See
http://www.tag-uk.net/articles/dissociation.htm
to learn more about this from Christian professionals. It is
exciting to discover that, not only is this more readily
understood and accepted by Christians but also that some are
recognizing the healing power of Jesus Christ in such areas as
Dissociated Identity Disorder and other trauma related conditions
and are playing their part in supporting and, most importantly,
praying with and for traumatized individuals. God does the rest!
Furthermore, He doesn't have to use the pastor of a church to help
those who have any need of God's healing. Those of us who have
experienced such healing know, without a doubt, that we are
becoming "whole", so that we can grow as His beloved children and
become more and more like Him and be those strong and healthy
believers He wants us to be!
For the sake of simplicity in this article, I refer to those
many "separate entities" in my life as "my own particular "little
personalities", because that's the way I often viewed them.
(Other friends also who still suffer from this condition will be
able to identify with these "personalities".) To me, they were my
own "little helpers". Most had names and did various jobs to
protect my life from all harm, or at least that which I perceived
to be "harmful", and did a good job too, covering up well, for
example, when (at the age of eight) I hid serious illness from my
worried parents for a number of days because I couldn't cope with
their anxiety, which I had already experienced in other traumatic
illness situations. I even had my own "nurse" and "doctor" to
help me through the tremendously painful illness I suffered! I
would categorically state here that these "entities/little
helpers" were NOT demons, as some would think. I believe it would
have done harm to me to try to "cast them out". They loved me and
learned to love and trust Phil who prayed with me and eventually
were happy to let Jesus make me whole again!
This "coping mechanism" worked for me for many years, until I
began to experience the healing detailed at the top of this
article. It was then that I discovered God's desire to heal my
"Dissociative Identity Disorder" also. After all, only He could
really care for me properly, only He could really shelter me from
the storm and He alone was able to make me whole again. If I
wanted to be whole then He was willing to bring about that
healing!
He did a very wonderful thing! He set about making Himself
known to my various "personalities", as I may describe them here.
Yes, He even got down with them and talked and played (as they
did) until they were totally comfortable with Him. It took some
months of regular prayer as they all had developed in their own
little ways and were afraid to move out from what they knew and
the way they worked; but He was patient and waited for the right
time. Once they were comfortable and wanted to live with Him in
the light, even as He is in the light, He was able to bring them
into that light and to restore them as one whole being again.
This meant that I was now healed from the "coping mechanisms" I
had adopted to take care of myself even as far back as a small
baby. He has recently talked to me some more about my need for
Him to take care of me - that is, for Him to take care of all of
me - and to protect me totally, in a far more wonderful way than I
could ever have been protected by my own "little helpers"/coping
mechanisms. . He has shown me that He can protect those inner
parts, my thoughts and feelings that get so easily hurt, and keep
me safe from the harmful weapons of Satan. What a wonderful,
loving Heavenly Father we have!
I have more healing to experience and more joy to come but,
in the meantime, I am so glad to return thanks to Him for all that
He has done so far in my life! If you think you may need healing
as a result of life's traumas, please contact Phil at Safe Place
Fellowship and someone will be glad to pray with you.
In John's Gospel, Chapter 5 and Verse 6, Jesus asks a man who
had been infirm for 38 years, "Would you like to become well?" He
asks this of a man who has waited a long time by the Pool of
Bethesda without anyone to help him and unable to help himself to
get into the water and be healed: He still offers that invitation
today, that we may become whole!
Safe Place Fellowship
Phil Scovell
Mountain Time Zone
Phone: 303-507-5175
Web: www.safeplacefellowship.com
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