HI Guys,
Well, thanksgiving day has passed and I must say that God blessed our
family with a good day. It is such a good spiritual exercize to have a
day focusing on thanks right in the middle of a stressful situation. On
Wednesday, as Greg and I were preparing for our church’s Thanksgiving Eve
service, I must admit that, for a moment, a nasty little comment flitted
through my brain, something like, "oh yah, what have I got to be thankful
for." Then, it hit me, I have a great deal to be thankful for. I have a
wonderful new home, a healthy family and a wonderful marrital
relationship. Chris is just one small thing and I rob myself and everyone
else if I focus on him rather than my blessings.
I love the war analogy that Phil has planted in my head as well. I almost
feel like I’m working for the CIA right now, but that is the way things
must be. We know that Chris had a joint, and was hoping to get at least
one friend to come over and share it with him, but he didn’t have any
takers. Of course, when he was out of the house, we were franticly
searching to find it, but no deal. Anyway, we learned from what we read
last night that he must have slipped out of the house, to his shed to
smoke the thing in the middle of the night in about 30 degree weather, by
himself. That must have been an enjoyable high. We’re learning that his
self esteem must be even lower than we realized because after he got paid
for work on Wednesday, one of the ploys he used to try to get someone to
pick him up and take him to the mall where he could share his joint, was
to say, "don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of money." If that doesn’t sound
like the prodigal son, trying to buy friends, I don’t know what else
would.
You guys, I know that you hear a lot of the bad stuff about Chris because
of what we are dealing with, but I know who he is deep down inside. He is
an artest. He can be a real clown. He’s great at making people laugh when
he wants too. When he was younger, he was always the peace maker between
his siblings and he was usually the first to apologize to us, of all the
kids, when there was trouble. Underneath, he has a very sensitive spirit.
I often think that his growl is his attempt to protect himself from
getting hurt worse. His perfectionism and hiper anxiety make him not
value what he has to offer to the world. The weird thing is that he
doesn’t seem to know himself why he does some of the things that he does.
For example, earlier this fall, he and Greg were talking about Chris’s
history of explosive and violent anger. That hasn’t happened for a while
now and Chris’s comment to Greg was, "What was with that?" As if Greg
might have the ansser to the reason why. That same question came up
yesterday at the dinner table. Chris was really enjoying the turkey and
sausage stuffing and he asked us, "I don’t know why I was a vegitarian.
What was with that anyway?" I suppose that some day, and I hope sooner
than later, he will ask the same question about drugs, but now he is
bordering on the dangerous and we have to find a way to intercede before
he decides to try something else. I find myself praying for wisdom by the
hour, to make the right move. Last night, he was really insistant that
Honey go down stairs with him for the night. I insisted that, if she were
to go down stairs that the door stay open so that she would have the
freedom to come back up and he was okay with that, but I can’t help but
be suspicious that something is cooking.
What if we Christians were always as vigilent in spiritual things as I am
becoming with Chris? I believe that that is what Paul means when he
encourages us to be sober and vigilent and on guard, but we get lulled
into a false sense of security, not taking seriously the warning that
Satan is like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. It’s good to
enjoy the good times, as God’s gift to us, but we must still be on guard
as well.
God bless,
Kathy

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