** Please visit our website: http://www.africanassociation.org **
Heidi,
I wish you the best. You have trully served this community well and I
am proud of you. Goodluck and stay in touch.
Thomas
----- Original Message -----
From: Hedi Rudd <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Thursday, April 21, 2005 10:33 am
Subject: Viva Las Vegas!
> ** Please visit our website: http://www.africanassociation.org **
>
> I apologize if you get this more than once! Hedi
>
> Some of you may be aware and others may have been busy working
> with intensity and determination on behalf of our community and
> will be surprised by my announcement. Whichever the case I want to
> let all of my friends, confidantes, colleagues, allies,
> accomplices, team mates, mentors, neighbors and homie's know from
> me personally that I am escaping Wisconsin and taking a westward
> journey to Nevada.
>
> I can't say that I've kept it a secret, because I haven't. But I
> have been going back and forth in my heart and soul debating how
> to share my news and the reason for my departure. The romantic in
> me wants to say that I am heading off into the sunset with my
> prince charming - which is partially true. But if you know me,
> then you know it could never be as simple as that! Yes, I am
> engaged to a terrific partner who I have a great deal of faith in
> and I trust will stand by me and my children and as we seek to
> find our way in a world that is ever changing. I am certain that
> he and my children are equally confident that I too will be
> successful as we head out to stake a claim in a new territory. But
> that isn't the only reason.
>
> The practical side of me wants to tell you that I am heading out
> to a solid opportunity and that things are ready and waiting for
> me to settle in and begin a brand new life. But if you know me,
> then you know that probably isn't the case, but will be sooner or
> later. I remember researching a composition about Eleanor
> Roosevelt and running across the following words "In the long run,
> we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends
> until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our
> responsibility." Because of my fascination with women in politics,
> words like these stuck in my head as I grew up. The terrain I
> grew up in was hard and fast and not always nice. What made it
> possible to navigate however was the generosity of people who I
> came in contact with along the way.
>
> Oftentimes as children my sisters and I would wake up in the
> shelter for battered women, living at the YWCA shelter, staying in
> a Salvation Army funded hotel room or with friends here in Madison
> or in Milwaukee. I've attended almost every school in Madison's
> East, North and South Sides and almost made it West once, but
> things didn't quite work out. I've traveled through all of the
> questionable neighborhoods in Madison, Sun Prairie and Milwaukee.
> I earned my stripes while maintaining a certain level of dignity,
> integrity and compassion. Anyone who has made it out of those
> circumstances knows that it's impossible to get out truly
> unscathed and without having made a few tough choices, but we also
> know that if you don't maintain a high level of those qualities
> you may never make it out. So we push on through and keep our eye
> on the prize and our journey towards that prize.
>
> Along the way however, you come across people who reflect what you
> want to see in yourself. My journey, being intensely diverse has
> allowed me to come in contact with the best of the best from a
> variety of communities and backgrounds. I have been extremely
> fortunate to call some of the most unique and exceptional people
> in our community my friends. Some of these people are well known,
> some you may never have met and some you may not have paid much
> attention to at all. These people are important however, because
> they shaped me and they helped me to get past a litany of
> obstacles that were both self-imposed and imposed on me. They even
> patiently listened to me deliberate so I knew exactly which one it
> was. Some of these friends I knew briefly and some are now like
> family.
>
> Whichever the case, it is all of you that make my decision to head
> West (West Coast*not West Side!) extremely difficult. I don't know
> what the world will be like without all of you there to make it
> the experience it has been up until now. One side of me is
> hesitant and unsure, but the other side is excited to take a step
> out into the world to see whether what I learned here will
> translate out in the rest of the world. I have always found the
> saying that Madison is 72 square miles surrounded by reality to be
> interesting not simply because I thought it might be true, but
> because I didn't know if it were true or not. The farthest I've
> lived from Madison is Milwaukee - which is where I experienced a
> much different reality. I can appreciate different aspects of both
> towns, but their location in the Midwest leaves me feeling a
> little cold for more than one reason.
>
> Perhaps the most important reason for my leaving is that I want to
> do this for myself. I want to know what it feels like to live in
> the sun and see terrain that is new and interesting. I want to
> experience living in a more cosmopolitan atmosphere where people
> live where they can afford to and next to people who may or may
> not be like them, but the distinction isn't as important as the
> process of living itself. I also never thought I would leave home
> as I was convinced that I would spend my life caring for my father
> during his illness and learning his life's lessons. Being a quick
> study and thinking I knew it all - I found myself facing the most
> difficult lesson, which is that family is all that we have and
> each moment that we spend is better than the last, but each moment
> could possibly be the last.
>
> My father told me I would leave Madison over his dead body. I took
> him at his word. Not taking his passing lightly, I knew that I
> couldn't leave him and I didn't want to. Yet, life has a funny way
> of giving you just what you need and the night that I laid my dad
> to rest - a man just as strong and loving as my father - asked me
> to be his life partner and I didn't hesitate to say yes. Shortly
> thereafter we began to discuss moving on from Madison and looking
> for a place more reflective of our values and needs.
>
> Why Las Vegas? Well, one piece that I've left out of this little
> homily is the fact that when my father passed - my best friend and
> little sister did not take the news well. She had been living in
> Vegas for some time and had not seen my father in a number of
> years. I won't go into specifics, but will say that she is now
> unable to care for her four children and so myself and other
> family members are now doing our best to keep a net under four
> incredibly strong and resilient children whose worlds were turned
> upside down when my father passed. My father had always been the
> anchor for our family and now it is my turn to step up to the
> plate. Heading to Vegas is the best way that I can think of to
> provide a home for my niece and nephews and safe harbor for my
> sister whenever she chooses to come in from the storm.
>
> Many well-intentioned friends have told me to not let my sister's
> decisions impact my life or add to my already full plate. Having
> crawled out of the barrel myself, I can understand the need to not
> let yourself be waited down my others inability to get their lives
> together. At the same time however, my focus isn't on the adults
> in my situation, it is on the children. More importantly, I am
> putting my time, effort and the little financial resources that I
> have where my mouth has always been. It is not possible for me to
> encourage others to love one another and advocate for the needs of
> fragile folks in our community, if I can't do it for my own flesh
> and blood. So with that in mind, I've chosen to focus my own
> energies into creating a sound future for my family.
>
> Las Vegas has the opportunities, amenities and diversity that I
> feel is necessary to make my life comfortable while I attempt to
> do the right thing by my family. It can be hard to ask for help
> from people who you work with on a daily basis and who you would
> prefer to not know all of your life's dirty details. While I am
> not personally shy to share them, I am also smart enough to know
> that people form opinions based on what they think they know about
> you and unless they have a reason to find out the truth - they
> will live with that perception and that perception can have a
> devastating effect on you, especially in a small town like
> Madison.
>
> There are tons of other reason's why I'm making this move - but
> the thing that I feel I really need to impart is that while I am
> excited to be heading west - I am even more excited about one day
> coming home. I plan to set up a web-blog when I get to Vegas so I
> can share stories of my journey with friends and others who may be
> interested. I have some projects that I am involved in that will
> keep my fingers in the Madison creative pot and friends who plan
> to head west to visit me as soon as I get established.
>
> If you would like to say Good-bye in person - you can do so Friday
> April 29th, 2005 at the Inn on the Park on the Square from 5-9p.m.
> Some of you may remember that this is where we held the Study
> Circles/First Friday's events. That was a special time for me in
> Madison and I would appreciate it if you would come out and spend
> the evening with me tripping down memory lane. We'll have an open
> mic, so bring a song, poetry or your thoughts to share. You can
> always reach me via e-mail at [log in to unmask] If you want
> information about my web-blog let me know~
>
> I'll end my manifesto by saying that I will really miss home.
> Nothing is as beautiful as Madison, WI to me, but sometimes you
> can love something so much that when it lets you down it can be
> hard to get over. Madison hasn't necessarily let me down, but I
> think it is going to be sometime before it is reflective of the
> beliefs and values that I hold dear. I leave however, knowing that
> there are people out there who will keep the home fires burning,
> the torches lit, the porch lights on and who will continue to
> fight the good fight in my absence. I hate to leave you to fight
> that fight without me, but I also feel that during my time here I
> did my part and stood for what I felt was right for myself, my
> family and my community. Some things I wish I had done
> differently, some fights I wish I had fought harder and some I
> wish I had never fought at all - but those wishes are all a waste
> of time, because in the bigger scheme of things - I wouldn't have
> done a thing differently. Not one thing.
>
> "It is not easy to be a pioneer- but oh, it is fascinating! I
> would not trade one moment, even the worst moment for all the
> riches in the world." Elizabeth Blackwell
>
> Much Love!
> Hedi Rudd
>
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