Okay, this list has been too quiet lately and everybody probbably could
use a smile or two so I'm cluttering up the list with junkk.  There were
a few here that I hadn't seen before.  If nothing else, it's worth a
laugh.
Kathy




>
>   >     Oldies, but still good and funny
>   > ~~
>   > Thank God for church ladies with typewriters! These sentences
actually
>   > appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
>   >
>   > 1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight
at
>   > Calvary Methodist.
>   > Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
>   >
>   > 2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER &
FASTING
>   > Conference:
>   > "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes
meals."
>   >
>   > 3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
> tonight:
>   > "Searching for Jesus."
>   >
>   > 4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in
the
>   > recreation hall.
>   > Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
>   >
>   > 5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid
of
> those
>   > things not worth keeping around the house.
>   > Don't forget your husbands.
>   >
>   > 6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled
due
to
> a
>   > conflict.
>   >
>   > 7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile
at
>   > someone who is hard to love.
>   > Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
>   >
>   > 8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
>   >
>   > 9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving
> obvious
>   > pleasure to the congregation.
>   >
>   > 10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
> nursery
>   > downstairs.
>   >
>   > 11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need
all
the
>   > help they can get.
>   >
>   > 12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
>   > transfusions.
>   > She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor
Jack's
>   > sermons.
>   >
>   > 13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the
choir
> will
>   > sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
>   >
>   > 14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in
the
>   > church.
>   > So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
>   >
>   > 15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
hall.
> Music
>   > will follow.
>   >
>   > 16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What
Is
> Hell?"
>   > Come early and listen to our choir practice.
>   >
>   > 17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition
of
>   > several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
>   >
>   > 18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
> recycled.
>   > Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
>   >
>   > 19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased
>   > person you want remembered.
>   >
>   > 20 . Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a
healthy
>   > lunch.
>   >
>   > 21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
entertainment
> and
>   > gracious hostility.
>   >
>   > 22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to
follow.
>   >
>   > 23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They
> may
>   > be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
>   >
>   > 24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park
across
> from
>   > the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
>   >
>   > 25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
> ladies
>   > are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
>   >
>   > 26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation
> would
>   > lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
>   >
>   > 27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please
use
> the
>   > back door.
>   >
>   > 28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
the
> Church
>   > basement Friday at 7 PM.
>   > The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
>   >
>   > 29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church.
>   > Please use large double door at the side entrance.
>   >
>   > 30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign
> slogan
>   > last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
>   >
>   > 31. Our next song is: "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
>   > ~~
>   >
>   > randy ò¿ó
>   >
>
>

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