>
> > Not Just Another Customer Service Call
> >
> > Service Rep: Hello, you have reached the HEART Systems Software Company
> help
> > desk. How may I help you?
> >
> > Customer: I just received your latest program, LOVE v4.0...you
know....the
> > FREE-ware. I don't understand it. Can tell me how to install it?
> >
> > Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am. Do you have the installation disk and
> > instructions with you?
> >
> > Customer: Yes I do, first can you tell me what the program does?
> >
> > Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am. LOVE is a unique program, there is no
other
> > like it in the world.
> >
> > LOVE attaches to your operating system and runs silently in the
> background,
> > you will never see LOVE on your monitor or your toolbar, but you will
> notice
> > its affect on every application you may have. It makes the good programs
> run
> > smoother and greatly restricts and/or deletes the bad ones.
> >
> > Customer: Wow! That sounds great. How does LOVE make my machine run
> smoother?
> >
> > Service Rep: Well, good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV,
> ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV,
> > and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also, FORGIVE-NESS.EXE will be
> invoked
> > every time there is an external violation, including the ever-popular
> syntax
> > errors.
> >
> > Also, all those aggravating errors that say "unable to connect" will be
> > avoided. LOVE allows for a smooth connection with external devices,
> regardless
> > of what country it is manufactured in, the brand name, or the age of the
> model.
> >
> > Customer: That's exactly what I need, my machine has been isolated for
too
> > long. But what about the bad programs?
> >
> > Service Rep: Good question. LOVE searches your memory for programs like
> > HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and SPITE.EXE. These programs
can't
> be
> > entirely deleted off your hard drive, but LOVE overpowers those
programs.
> >
> > LOVE stops their commands from being executed and runs its own
> instructions.
> > You will no longer hear INSULT.WAV and you wont be able to write with
the
> > fonts "BADWORDS12" or HARSHNESS10".
> >
> > Customer: That's a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades free
too?
> >
> > Service Rep: They sure are ma'am.
> >
> > Customer: How do I get the upgrades?
> >
> > Service Rep: That's easy. Once you have LOVE installed and running, it
> > automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every external
> Hard
> > drive Email And Remote terminal (HEART) that it comes in contact with.
In
> > turn, those external devices run whatever version of LOVE they have and
> return
> > a module to your HEART.
> >
> > You will be upgraded with each and every module that you receive. But
you
> have
> > to remember, to receive the upgrades you have to be running LOVE and you
> have
> > to come into contact with other computers while it is running.
> >
> > Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready
to
> > install now. What do I do first?
> >
> > Service Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your
> HEART
> > ma'am?
> >
> > Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.
Is
> it
> > okay to install while they are running?
> >
> > Service Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
> >
> > Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,
> and
> > RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
> >
> > Service Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from
> your
> > current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it
> will
> > no longer disrupt other programs.
> >
> > LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own
> called
> > HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and
> > RESENTMENT.COM.
> >
> > Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn
> those
> > off ma'am?
> >
> > Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
> >
> > Service Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
> FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do
> > this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENT-MENT.COM
have
> been
> > completely erased.
> >
> > Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself
> automatically. Is
> > that normal?
> >
> > Service Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will
> > reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
> >
> > Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
> >
> > Service Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You
> need
> > to begin connecting to other HEARTs in order to get the upgrades.
> >
> > Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?
> >
> > Service Rep: What does the message say?
> >
> > Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS".
> What
> > does that mean?
> >
> > Service Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that
the
> > LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been
run
> on
> > your HEART.
> >
> > It is one of those complicated programming things, but In non-technical
> terms
> > it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine be-fore it can "LOVE"
others.
> >
> > Customer: So what should I do?
> >
> > Service Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
> >
> > Customer: Yes, I have it.
> >
> > Service Rep: Excellent, you're getting good at this.
> >
> > Customer: Thank you.
> >
> > Service Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy
> them
> > to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REAL-
> > IZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC.
> >
> > The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any
> faulty
> > programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all
directories,
> and
> > then empty your recycle bin after-wards to make sure it is completely
gone
> and
> > never comes back.
> >
> > Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files.
> > SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that
WARMTH.COM,
>
> > PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!
> >
> > Service Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to
> handle
> > it from here. One more thing before I go...
> >
> > Customer: Yes?
> >
> > Service Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various
modules
> to
> > everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and
they
> will
> > return some really neat modules back to you.
> >
> > Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.
> >
> >
>
>
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