Kathy,

I believe preserving the relationship is wise. I think  there becomes a
point in which one must look at how the child can position him or herself
in such a spot which requires constant correction, and thus constant
beating upon their self-esteem, and let it ride or strategically issue
correction. In a strange way I believe they see it as a way of forcing a
parent to care for them, perhaps differently than the other child or
children in the family.  The thing is I've noticed with my son is if I
leave him alone, and do not press him on issues I feel are needed for a
responsible life, he'll go and get a new job, pick up a really good deal on
something he's been wanting. In other words he is a survivor, and does very
well actually by the seat of his pants. No doubt he risks not making the
last minute play and suffering the consequences, but I guess we could as
well even with all the responsible preparing. The problem is, distant as it
is, my son has a role model or which proves academics isn't important, but
networking in business is, relationships and knowing people can provide
success in seat of your pants living and no grandiose life plan. He sees it
in his grandfather who is doing well for himself and just sort of makes his
way through life by swinging deals, networking with people, and etc. I've
learned to not be so pro-college with my son, and learned that he will
likely do just fine out in the hands-on world, in fact may well do better
there than many college folks as blue collar work, in  a trade is becoming
more in demand. For instance they train young folks at a tech college here
in hydraulics with a 95% placement at $60,000 the first year. You will not
find a college student making that kind of income even a few years after
college in many places in the country. So I've learned to just stress he
needs to get passing grades in school. And surprisingly in today's grading
standards that is a "D". Once my son explained the grading system, I
learned that his grade of D was the same percentile as my grade of C when I
went to school. Much more is required of students today percentage wise to
achieve the same letter grade than when we were in school.

Brad


Kathy Du Bois wrote:
>Oh Brad,
>         Your post is such a relief that, perhaps, we are making the right
>choice.  My Chris sounds so much like your son, hands on and everything
>except that Chris is more in to building, not eletronics.  Yet, he is
>refusing to take any courses in carpentry or building.  He thinks that he
>already knows it all and he would probably flunk if he did take a course
>because he wouldn't do things the way the instructor asked, and chris's
>explanation would no doubt be that the instructor is "stupid!"  My Chris
>understands the hurt in the wallet more than anything right now too so
>we've just decided that, some day, Chris will finally buckle down when he
>sees all the losers who hit the books pull ahead of him financially and
>he'll begin to rethink his priorities.  The thing is, I know from
>comments he makes from time to time, that what we've taught him is still
>down there, somewhere, churning around.  He's just trying to prove us
>wrong right now.  His goal in life is to prove that he's right.  Can you
>say "CRASH big time," dead ahead?
>         Thanks for saying I"m not a wimp, though I feel like it
>sometimes.  I'm just tired of the fighting and Greg and I value the
>relationship more than anything else.  That's what has to be preserved.
>He'll learn life's lessons in God's time, but we want to get through all
>this with him and not against him.
>Kathy
>
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Brad

   If you want people to quit poking holes in your boat, put them in the
boat with you