Phil,

This reminds me of our prayer sessions. The intercessory prayer sessions
with you.

One thing I never did tell you, as God revealed it to me after our last
prayer session, and that is that I was afraid of my Mother.

Actually, it was revealed to me the next morning as I was getting dressed
for the day.

I will tell you all that the intercessory prayer sessions with Phil has
helpped me a lot, and more than he will ever know.

Love and Blessings,
Pat Ferguson
At 06:20 PM 5/8/04, you wrote:
>The Deep Pain Of A Century Old Lie
>
>
>                          By Phil Scovell
>
>
>
>      I went to bed angry.  I knew it was wrong, of course, since
>the Bible says not to let the sun go down on your wrath, but I
>could not locate the source of my anger.  That isn't exactly true
>because I did know something about the anger but I thought,
>foolishly, it would go away by morning if I slept on it.  wrong.
>
>      when I awakened with a terrible headache the next morning, it
>was a good two hours before I normally would be getting up.  I got
>up, took some pain medications, and waited for it to work.  As I
>waited for my headache to subside, I suddenly realized my anger
>was still there.  I prayed and asked the Lord the source of this
>anger.  Frankly, I thought I knew the source, but instead of
>taking me to what I thought was wrong, the Lord immediately took
>me to a memory that was very sad and was eleven years old.  Let me
>explain to you this memory so you'll have a better understanding
>of how the Lord healed me from the pain and anger.
>
>      This particular memory event occurred at least eleven years
>ago but as I was soon to find out, it was older than that.  In
>fact, it was over 100 years old.
>
>      Since my wife and I are both blind, we obviously don't drive.
>Funny, though.  We always ended up buying, paying for,
>registering, insuring, washing, maintaining, and making the
>monthly payments on all the cars we bought for our kids as they
>began driving.
>
>      The first vehicle we purchase was a limn.  It broke down so
>much, that I put in as much money for repairs the first year as I
>did on buying the car and that was about 2200 dollars.  So, every
>time I climbed into the car, my ears immediately began listening
>to the motor.  What was going to break down next?  It was a very
>relaxing experience to always be worried about your car each and
>ever time you got in it.  A little tongue in cheek, there, of
>course.
>
>      My oldest son had been driving for only two months.  Some of
>the nicest Christmas tree lights in Denver are within a couple of
>miles of our house.  One man in that neighborhood has over 100,000
>Christmas lights in his yard and on his house.  Well, we had been
>to this neighborhood many times but never alone as a family.  This
>was our first time out as a family in our own car just to see
>Christmas lights.  It was kind of thrilling.  My oldest son had a
>bad attitude about it because he likely had other plans for the
>evening.  So he complained and moaned and carried on like a two
>year old the whole time.  this made me very happy, of course, and
>my attitude improved by the minute as I listened for the next
>clink in the engine.
>
>      Suddenly, the engine died all together and we rolled to the
>curb.  Now what?  My oldest son immediately jumped on me for not
>keeping the car in better shape.  My wife was questioning me from
>the back, where else, about having to have known more about what
>was wrong, and I swear, my hand on the bible, my other two younger
>kids were saying something about me, too.  Of course, by this
>point, I could have been imagining things but I was not imagining
>the deep painful sadness I felt inside of me.  I made a couple of
>very unchristian comments about the whole kit and caboodle of the
>lot, told my son to turn the blank key over, and bingo!  The
>engine fired, ran smooth, and we went on to see all the Christmas
>lights.  The only bad part was my oldest son still griping about
>having to take us on a 15 minute ride.  To this day, I still don't
>know what he was bugged about.  The only thing that could possibly
>go wrong now is the Santa Clause standing out in front of this
>guy's house refusing me candy as we slowly drove by.  Now, back to
>my anger.
>
>      So I get up early, like I said, take something for my
>headache, and as I am standing at the sink, half asleep, I feel my
>anger still there.  Oh, shoot.  I thought it would die during the
>night and now it was still there.  So, I do what I always do; I
>prayed.  "Lord," I said, "I guess there's someplace I need to go
>to find the origin of this anger, so take me to the memory where
>the lie is that this anger is hiding."  You see, I have learned
>that anger is never the problem.  Anger masks the lie which
>creates the anger and the lie can be anything, too.
>
>      So as soon as I ask the Lord to show me the lie, bang.  I'm
>back in the car at Christmas time eleven years ago and feeling the
>pain of the sadness is if it were yesterday.  So I said, "Lord,
>this ain't it.  There's no anger in this memory.  I see no lies in
>this memory.  So let me see the first time I felt this anger."  I
>was closing a cupboard door as I was praying.  By the way, all I
>am describing to you now took about thirty second of total prayer
>time.  As I closed the cupboard door, explaining to the Lord how
>He had led me to the wrong place, I heard myself saying, "But I
>will never forget the pain and sadness buried deep down inside of
>me as I sat in that car."  I froze.  I knew that such a feeling
>could only mean one thing and that memory had a lie in it and had
>to be healed or it would come back to bother me.  So I said, "Ok,
>Lord.  You took me to the right place but where is the lie in the
>memory because I can't see it."
>
>      The Holy Spirit began talking to me and said, "How did you
>feel in the car with your family criticizing you for the car
>breaking down?"
>
>      "Sad," I said flatly.
>
>      "How did you feel about the sadness?" He wanted to know.
>
>      I heard myself saying to the Holy Spirit, in complete
>amazement, "I felt like a poor father."
>
>      "And how did you feel about being a poor father at that
>moment," the Holy Spirit asked.
>
>      "I felt like I was a lousy provider for my own family and
>thus not a good dad."
>
>      "Was that true?" the Holy Spirit ask.
>
>      Suddenly, I saw it was a lie.  Somebody told me I wasn't a
>good enough father.  So I said, "Lord, where in my entire life did
>I get the idea I was a poor and lousy father because I can't feel
>it any where in my life."
>
>      At this very moment, my mind flashed backward throughout my
>entire life; even back into the early days of my childhood.  I saw
>in front of me, a large, wall to wall, black board in a school
>room which had just been wiped clean.  I prayed.  "Lord, there is
>nothing in my life, then, which is the root of this lie about
>being a lousy father.  So I am stuck.  I can't find the truth.
>Where is it?"
>
>      The Holy Spirit then said to me, "What have I shown you about
>your dad?"
>
>      I said, "I know my dad had similar feelings about his
>identity but what does that have to do with me?"
>
>      the Holy Spirit said, "What else do you know about your
>father?"
>
>      I said, "Well, he was born two and a half months after the
>death of his own father."
>
>      "So what do you suppose your father might have felt, or heard
>people talking about, concerning his birth?"
>
>      then I understood.  My father thought he could not be a good
>enough father, or a good enough man, because he had no father.
>the Holy Spirit revealed this concept to me in an instant of time.
>Further more, the Holy Spirit also impressed upon me that my
>father's own dad, my grandfather, felt this same way about
>himself, too.  He furthermore impressed upon me that it was passed
>down to my dad's generation and then ultimately to my own
>generation.
>
>      when any lie is exposed by the Holy Spirit, the next step is
>generally to listen for the truth of God and that's what I did.
>Jesus spoke and said, "You are not a lousy father and never have
>been.  I am always with you."
>
>      Well, you say, that's all nice and good but it sounds like a
>bunch of spiritual emotional trickery and hocus pocus to me.
>Fine.  You can believe whatever you wish.  However, when this
>thirty second conversation with the Lord was over, I had no anger,
>the sadness I felt in the memory had vanished, and I was free.
>this lie was over a century old, yet I was free from it by the
>power of the Holy Spirit and the Healing power of the True Lord
>Jesus Christ.  So, as I said, believe what you wish.  I'm free
>from the lie.
>
>      I have learn, in praying with many people, that often, as
>children, and many times as little babies, sometimes even as
>little babies in the womb, they hear the worries and concerns and
>feel the guilt and the grief and sadness of those around them.
>If you doubt this is true, I'll give you names and phone numbers
>of people who experience exactly what I am talking about with no
>suggestiveness on my part.  the Enemy often uses these
>opportunities to implant lies in our thinking.  Many decades
>later, the lies are triggered by current day events and the old
>emotions rush out to cause us pain.  the secret?  Instantly turn
>to the Lord and ask Him to show you the source.  You may discover
>as did I, it is more than a century old.
>
>
>I Flew Kites With Jesus
>www.SafePlaceFellowship.com