It certainly has been, Kathy.  Going through one of those lulls or slow
tides.  Grin.

Thanks for the goodies for laughter sake.  I got some snickers out of some
myself that I hadn't seen before.

Vicki
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kathy Du Bois" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, April 12, 2004 5:10 PM
Subject: Fw: Fw:


> Okay, this list has been too quiet lately and everybody probbably could
> use a smile or two so I'm cluttering up the list with junkk.  There were
> a few here that I hadn't seen before.  If nothing else, it's worth a
> laugh.
> Kathy
>
>
>
>
> >
> >   >     Oldies, but still good and funny
> >   > ~~
> >   > Thank God for church ladies with typewriters! These sentences
> actually
> >   > appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
> >   >
> >   > 1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight
> at
> >   > Calvary Methodist.
> >   > Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
> >   >
> >   > 2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER &
> FASTING
> >   > Conference:
> >   > "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes
> meals."
> >   >
> >   > 3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
> > tonight:
> >   > "Searching for Jesus."
> >   >
> >   > 4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in
> the
> >   > recreation hall.
> >   > Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
> >   >
> >   > 5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid
> of
> > those
> >   > things not worth keeping around the house.
> >   > Don't forget your husbands.
> >   >
> >   > 6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled
> due
> to
> > a
> >   > conflict.
> >   >
> >   > 7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile
> at
> >   > someone who is hard to love.
> >   > Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
> >   >
> >   > 8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
> >   >
> >   > 9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
> giving
> > obvious
> >   > pleasure to the congregation.
> >   >
> >   > 10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
> > nursery
> >   > downstairs.
> >   >
> >   > 11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need
> all
> the
> >   > help they can get.
> >   >
> >   > 12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
> >   > transfusions.
> >   > She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor
> Jack's
> >   > sermons.
> >   >
> >   > 13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the
> choir
> > will
> >   > sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
> >   >
> >   > 14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in
> the
> >   > church.
> >   > So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
> >   >
> >   > 15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
> hall.
> > Music
> >   > will follow.
> >   >
> >   > 16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What
> Is
> > Hell?"
> >   > Come early and listen to our choir practice.
> >   >
> >   > 17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition
> of
> >   > several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
> >   >
> >   > 18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
> > recycled.
> >   > Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
> >   >
> >   > 19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
> deceased
> >   > person you want remembered.
> >   >
> >   > 20 . Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a
> healthy
> >   > lunch.
> >   >
> >   > 21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
> entertainment
> > and
> >   > gracious hostility.
> >   >
> >   > 22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to
> follow.
> >   >
> >   > 23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
> They
> > may
> >   > be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
> >   >
> >   > 24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park
> across
> > from
> >   > the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
> >   >
> >   > 25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
> > ladies
> >   > are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
> >   >
> >   > 26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
> congregation
> > would
> >   > lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
> Sunday.
> >   >
> >   > 27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
> Please
> use
> > the
> >   > back door.
> >   >
> >   > 28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
> the
> > Church
> >   > basement Friday at 7 PM.
> >   > The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
> >   >
> >   > 29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
> Church.
> >   > Please use large double door at the side entrance.
> >   >
> >   > 30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
> campaign
> > slogan
> >   > last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
> >   >
> >   > 31. Our next song is: "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
> >   > ~~
> >   >
> >   > randy ò¿ó
> >   >
> >
> >
>
> ________________________________________________________________
> The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!
> Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!
> Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!