Hi Kathy,
Sorry I can't fix the problem--I wish I could, but I'll keep praying.
Vinny
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kathy Du Bois" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, April 05, 2004 5:13 AM
Subject: Kathy's answer to Phil.


> HI Phil,
> Thanks for asking. I suppose if you look at things from an external point
> of view, life isn't very encouraging right now with the church or Chris.
> With our house, however, things are looking up, though the wheels of
> progress are still turning exceedingly slow. We're still waiting for a
> final construction meeting and then the closing. We're still hopeful that
> construction itself will begin before the end of the month, but I have
> learned not to have very high expectations.
> The offering at church yesterday was around $500 below what we need to
> make budget. Personally, so far, our family is still doing okay. Besides
> working at the post office, Greg did two funerals in the past few weeks
> for people in the community so, crass as that sounds, that helps. I don't
> know what the church will do though. It's really a spiritual battle, I
> believe, more than a physical one. You already knew that though.
> I'm convinced that Chris's battle is more spiritual than physical as
> well, but until he wants to do something about it, there isn't much we
> can do except pray. I know that that's a lot, but you know how it is as a
> parent. You just wish that you could reach in and fix him!! We still
> haven't heard from the probation officer about Chris's lost papers. I
> want to go in and just have a talk with her and get to know her and tell
> her some about our situation . I think that that would be helpful. Greg
> and I had a private meeting with Eric, Chris's counselor last week to
> tell him things about Chris that he may not pick up otherwise. It's hard
> to really get to know a kid when you only see him in a group for a 90
> minute session once a week. Last month Chris was experimenting with
> playing with a propane lighter and spray cans so now all spray cans have
> been removed from the house and Matthew found the lighter and brought it
> to us. Chris has also taught himself how to spin a knife and have it land
> on its tip on our kitchen floor. There are also slashes on the floor and
> knife marks in the wall of a tall counter in our kitchen. Eric would have
> never picked that up on his own. Unfortunately, this damage also really
> bites because we had been hoping to sell this place to get enough money
> to finish off the basement on our house on our own, but now, with needing
> to replace drywall and kitchen flooring, it doesn't look like we will get
> much.
> When Chris does his school work he gets 90s and 100s, but he gets mostly
> zeros because he either loses or doesn't bother to hand in his work.
> Chris also has a lot of anxiety and he is an extreme peerfectionest and
> that kind of thinking holds him back from organized sports and from
> looking for a job. He just doesn't like to be corrected or to demonstrate
> that he may not know everything that there is to know about any
> particular subject. If he doesn't come in first in an organized sport, it
> would show that he needs work. Also, on a team sport, it may be revealed
> that he isn't in tiptop shape and he doesn't want anyone else to know
> that. If he gets a job, he may have to be tought how to do something on
> the job or tought how to do something a new way and Chris doesn't want to
> change his ways. He also doesn't want to have set hours for a job. He
> wants to be able to do things when he wants too, not when he has too.
> Thus, the missing homework as well. Eric has noticed, and we agree, Chris
> is not a happy kid, but how could he be. He claims to be a Christian, but
> he knows that his behavior and his treatment of us is so unChrist like.
> You can't be truly happy when you know that you are walking down the
> wrong road. Last week Chris asked me if I ever wished that I could be in
> heaven? Don't worry, I saw the red flags immediately, but he has only
> mentioned it once so far. I know that that means that it isn't the first
> time that he has thought about it though. So far, we're pretty sure that
> drugs aren't involved. Eric is suggesting that if we have to call the
> police again, we should have Chris hospitalized, but I don't know. I just
> pray that we have the time to keep talking to people in the know, so that
> if and when we have to act, we'll know, kind of, what we're doing.
> It's so hard because we don't have any of this trouble with our other
> three kids. The rest of us have similar interests and do a lot together.
> This weekend we watched a few movies and took a walk together to collect
> bottles and cans. We invite Chris, but he isn't interested in any of the
> stuff that we do. It's just hard for me mentally because Chris used to be
> such a happy, cooperative, reliable kid. It's kind of like, he's all
> covered up in this mean, grouchy monster right now that is difficult to
> live with. It reminds me of the boy Eustess in C. S. Lewis's book, "The
> Dawn Treader," from his Chronicles of Narnia series, who was trapped in
> the body of a dragon until the lion Aslan removed it. I truly believe
> that Chris will not come back until he surrenders to Jesus and finds joy
> in the purpose that God has for him. Anything else that we do for him,
> Therapy, conserta, whatever, is just for the sake of our being able to
> tolerate him until he decides differently.
> Well Phil, this was probably way more than you were asking for, but
> thanks for letting me ramble. Chris is home today, supposedly sick. He
> could have toughed it out and gone, but just didn't want too. I'll
> probably make it another unexcused absence with the school, which means 8
> more detensions, and 8 more times that Greg has to go out of the way to
> pick him up because there is no late buss, but I have no idea if he,
> Chris, really cares.
> God bless,
> Kathy
>
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