Subject: Fwd: Wifey 1.0 program





        Note: forwarded message attached.

        THIS IS WHAT A GUY WROTE TO A SYSTEM ANALYST;

        Dear Systems Department,


        I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from
        "Girlfriend 7.0" to "Wifey 1.0" and found that the new program began
        unexpected child Processing and also took up a lot of space and
        valuable
        resources.
        This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
        In addition "Wifey 1.0" Installs itself into all other programs and
        launches during systems Initialization and then it monitors all other
        system activities.
        Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf  5.3" no longer

        Run,
        and crashes the system whenever selected.  Attempting to operate
        Selected
        "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs
        instead.


        I cannot seem to keep "Wifey 1.0" in the background, whilst attempting
        to run any of my favourite applications. Be it online or offline.


        I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend7.0", but uninstall doesn't
        work
        on this program. Can you please help?


        ........... AND THIS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID;

        Dear Customer,


        This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding
        of the functions of the "Wifey1.0" program.

        Many customers upgrade from "Girlfriend 7.0" to "Wife 1.0"  thinking

        that
        "Wifey 1.0" is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.

        Actually, "Wifey 1.0"  is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by it's Creator
        to
        Run everything.
        You are unlikely to be able to purge "Wifey 1.0" and still convert back
        to "Girlfriend 7.0", as "Wifey 1.0"  was not designed to do this and it is
        Impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the
        System once it is installed.
        Some people have tried to install "Girlfriend 8.0" or "Wifey 2.0"
but
        have
        ended up with even more problems. (See manual under
        Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).

        Having " Wifey 1.0"  installed, I recommend you keep it installed And
        deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems
        Occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the


        C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME Program


        and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire
        system.
        It may be necessary to run  C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME  for a number of

        times,
        and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
        "Wifey 1.0", although a very high maintenance program, can be very
        rewarding.
        To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software  such as
        "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or  "HUGS\KISSES 600.0" or
        "TENDERNESS
        \UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1"
(if
        child processing has already started).
        DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt
        Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a
        supported  Application for "Wifey 1.0" and the system will almost
        certainly
        CRASH.


        BEST OF LUCK!


        Your Systems Analyst,


John Muhia Kangu.