Hey, you should have seen me and my mom discussing god's will in line to
check out at walmart the other day.
I've told you all the story of how my brother was blessed with a daughter
even after he and his wife did drugs and didn't live right and the mother
did everything she could to loose the baby as she is the type to get
pregnant to keep a man but then does everything she can to end the
pregnancy once they are on the hook?
This all happened after years of my brother engaging in drug use and myself
and the family dragging him out of it.
Mostly, the family coming to me and expecting me to get him out because we
are both from the same father and I have money.
Anyway, when I said that I would raise the child but that I wanted the
family to back me up in any legal battles we might face with my brother and
that I required that the family finally admit, openly that he was unfit to
raise a child, my mom did everything she could to wear us down and we gave
in, finally telling her to take the kid and leave us out of it from then on.
Turns out, we were wrong in assuming that my brother would never straiten
up, or it appears that way for now but the child is still living with my mom
who is 61 or so.
When she is confronted about it, she says a number of things.
"This child and I have bonded as mother and daughter."
"I know plenty of grandparents who raise their grand children and they do
fine."
But no matter what she says, she can't denigh the fact that this child's
parents have 2 other children of their own now which they are raising and
they are doing it without drugs and although their relationship isn't
perfect, they are living in the same house together and they function
without neglecting the children.
Any time I bring this topic up with my mom, it usually ends in an argument
and if I persist she ends up leaving my house in a huff.
Well, the other day, we were standing in line at Walmart, having left Terri
and Kate at home and since there was nothing else to do, while waiting in
line I brought it up again.
My mom's tactic this time was to attack the child's mother, and to say how
she didn't think she could handle the girl my mom currently has.
My response was that no matter how she handled the child, it was her child
and that she was doing fine with 2 other's.
She continued on with her bashing of the mother and I pointed out that she
was not trusting god's will and that she was manipulating the situation to
suit her own wants.
She had to agree with me on that and although it seems a small point, it is
one I haven't ben able to get across for 4 years, so it was a good thing for
me.
I have always told her that she wasn't thinking of the child's long term
welfare, in thinking that she at her age was qualified to raise the child
into adulthood and that she needed to eas the child back into the care of
her parents now that they were better equip to take care of her but it was
like talking to a brick wall and a very childish brick wall it was at that.
hahahahahah
Maybe this situation will heal over time if they submit it to god's will.
My mom's always been able to hold christianity up to me as something she had
and I did not so I didn't understand but now that I am learning about
christianity and am trying to be a better person, it's easier to talk to her
and she has to admit some of her flaws, as do I myself.
My brother is still not a good husband or father but without the drugs, he
is better.
I am not sure if he will ever be totally mature but I have known kids who
have had worse parents than these people are currently.
There is hope, and that is something I did not believe, or more correctly
put, I was not willing to wait around on it to show up while I watched a
child in crisis.  The flaw in me at the time though was that I did not
realize that I had to look to my household first and at the time it was just
Terri and I but we were in bad shape.
Our stressing over my family and such was hindering our own attempts at
having a family and it took getting away from the situation to get ourselves
on the right path.
I do think that some children are blessed to have people in their lives to
care for them when their parents will not do so properly but there comes a
time when it is better for the child if the adult doing this knows when it
is safe to let go.
Oh, and let god.
hahahah
That seemed so cliché that I started not to put it their.

Matt

Marriage is a covenant, not a contractual relationship.
In a contractual relationship we demand our rights and limit our
responsibilities.
Where as, in a covenant relationship, we limit our rights and assume
responsibilities.