Hi, Em!

Welcome to the list!  I'm Kat, a CP from North Carolina and a mod for
this list.

You don't say how old you and your friend are, but I'm going to give you
some general advice.

I've dated several able-bodied men and can tell you one thing.  It's a
lot better when things are relaxed and the other person isn't pushing
things.  I can sense when they're trying too hard to normalize things
and it turns me off.  Too many compliments, too much flattery, too much
de-emphasis on my disability leaves me feeling cold just as much as the
opposite.

What I'm trying to say is, relax and let things run their course.  Also,
open communication is essential - as it is in every relationship - but
be cool and relax.

Unfortunately society labels us as 'half-human' and it takes a lot to
overcome the stigma, and a lot of disabled people never do completely
erase it from their psyches.  I've also noticed that those of us who are
in our 50s have mellowed out and seem to accept ourselves better than a
lot of those in their 20s and 30s.  I think it's a matter of accepting
yourself more and realizing you'll never be Jane Fonda or Arnold
Swartzenegger (thank God).

Kat

Emerald White wrote:

>Hi everyone.. My name's Em.  I don't have CP, however, I am very good
>friends with someone who does, and need some assistance...
>
>I recently started seeing a man with CP.  He's amazing in every sense of
>the word.  The problem is he sees himself as half a man.  No matter how
>hard I try to assure him that I like him for who he is, he's so afraid of
>getting hurt that I believe he may just decide to quit seeing me..
>
>We've had sex, and he's damn good at what he does... He's smart, sexy, fun,
>and just.. wow... the kind of person that I've always seen myself with..
>
>My question is...
>
>How can I show him, or make him realize that he's not "half a man"..?  How
>can I start something with him, knowing that I cannot promise him fully
>that things will work out? (Who can, in any relationship for that matter?)
>
>Any help would be amazing.. I am going out of my mind..
>
>Thanks, Em.
>
>
>