>
 > > Not Just Another Customer Service Call
 > >
 > > Service Rep: Hello, you have reached the HEART Systems Software Company
 > help
 > > desk. How may I help you?
 > >
 > > Customer: I just received your latest program, LOVE v4.0...you
know....the
 > > FREE-ware. I don't understand it. Can tell me how to install it?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am. Do you have the installation disk and
 > > instructions with you?
 > >
 > > Customer: Yes I do, first can you tell me what the program does?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am. LOVE is a unique program, there is no
other
 > > like it in the world.
 > >
 > > LOVE attaches to your operating system and runs silently in the
 > background,
 > > you will never see LOVE on your monitor or your toolbar, but you will
 > notice
 > > its affect on every application you may have. It makes the good programs
 > run
 > > smoother and greatly restricts and/or deletes the bad ones.
 > >
 > > Customer: Wow! That sounds great. How does LOVE make my machine run
 > smoother?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: Well, good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV,
 > ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV,
 > > and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also, FORGIVE-NESS.EXE will be
 > invoked
 > > every time there is an external violation, including the ever-popular
 > syntax
 > > errors.
 > >
 > > Also, all those aggravating errors that say "unable to connect" will be
 > > avoided. LOVE allows for a smooth connection with external devices,
 > regardless
 > > of what country it is manufactured in, the brand name, or the age of the
 > model.
 > >
 > > Customer: That's exactly what I need, my machine has been isolated for
too
 > > long. But what about the bad programs?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: Good question. LOVE searches your memory for programs like
 > > HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and SPITE.EXE. These programs
can't
 > be
 > > entirely deleted off your hard drive, but LOVE overpowers those
programs.
 > >
 > > LOVE stops their commands from being executed and runs its own
 > instructions.
 > > You will no longer hear INSULT.WAV and you wont be able to write with
the
 > > fonts "BADWORDS12" or HARSHNESS10".
 > >
 > > Customer: That's a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades free
too?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: They sure are ma'am.
 > >
 > > Customer: How do I get the upgrades?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: That's easy. Once you have LOVE installed and running, it
 > > automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every external
 > Hard
 > > drive Email And Remote terminal (HEART) that it comes in contact with.
In
 > > turn, those external devices run whatever version of LOVE they have and
 > return
 > > a module to your HEART.
 > >
 > > You will be upgraded with each and every module that you receive. But
you
 > have
 > > to remember, to receive the upgrades you have to be running LOVE and you
 > have
 > > to come into contact with other computers while it is running.
 > >
 > > Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready
to
 > > install now. What do I do first?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your
 > HEART
 > > ma'am?
 > >
 > > Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.
Is
 > it
 > > okay to install while they are running?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
 > >
 > > Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,
 > and
 > > RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
 > >
 > > Service Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from
 > your
 > > current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it
 > will
 > > no longer disrupt other programs.
 > >
 > > LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own
 > called
 > > HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and
 > > RESENTMENT.COM.
 > >
 > > Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn
 > those
 > > off ma'am?
 > >
 > > Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
 > FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do
 > > this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENT-MENT.COM
have
 > been
 > > completely erased.
 > >
 > > Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself
 > automatically. Is
 > > that normal?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will
 > > reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
 > >
 > > Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You
 > need
 > > to begin connecting to other HEARTs in order to get the upgrades.
 > >
 > > Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: What does the message say?
 > >
 > > Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS".
 > What
 > > does that mean?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that
the
 > > LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been
run
 > on
 > > your HEART.
 > >
 > > It is one of those complicated programming things, but In non-technical
 > terms
 > > it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine be-fore it can "LOVE"
others.
 > >
 > > Customer: So what should I do?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
 > >
 > > Customer: Yes, I have it.
 > >
 > > Service Rep: Excellent, you're getting good at this.
 > >
 > > Customer: Thank you.
 > >
 > > Service Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy
 > them
 > > to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REAL-
 > > IZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC.
 > >
 > > The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any
 > faulty
 > > programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all
directories,
 > and
 > > then empty your recycle bin after-wards to make sure it is completely
gone
 > and
 > > never comes back.
 > >
 > > Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files.
 > > SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that
WARMTH.COM,
 >
 > > PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!
 > >
 > > Service Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to
 > handle
 > > it from here. One more thing before I go...
 > >
 > > Customer: Yes?
 > >
 > > Service Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various
modules
 > to
 > > everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and
they
 > will
 > > return some really neat modules back to you.
 > >
 > > Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.
 > >
 > >
 >
 >


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