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Date: | Mon, 12 Apr 2004 19:10:07 -0400 |
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Okay, this list has been too quiet lately and everybody probbably could
use a smile or two so I'm cluttering up the list with junkk. There were
a few here that I hadn't seen before. If nothing else, it's worth a
laugh.
Kathy
>
> > Oldies, but still good and funny
> > ~~
> > Thank God for church ladies with typewriters! These sentences
actually
> > appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
> >
> > 1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight
at
> > Calvary Methodist.
> > Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
> >
> > 2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER &
FASTING
> > Conference:
> > "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes
meals."
> >
> > 3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
> tonight:
> > "Searching for Jesus."
> >
> > 4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in
the
> > recreation hall.
> > Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
> >
> > 5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid
of
> those
> > things not worth keeping around the house.
> > Don't forget your husbands.
> >
> > 6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled
due
to
> a
> > conflict.
> >
> > 7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile
at
> > someone who is hard to love.
> > Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
> >
> > 8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
> >
> > 9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving
> obvious
> > pleasure to the congregation.
> >
> > 10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
> nursery
> > downstairs.
> >
> > 11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need
all
the
> > help they can get.
> >
> > 12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
> > transfusions.
> > She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor
Jack's
> > sermons.
> >
> > 13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the
choir
> will
> > sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
> >
> > 14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in
the
> > church.
> > So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
> >
> > 15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
hall.
> Music
> > will follow.
> >
> > 16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What
Is
> Hell?"
> > Come early and listen to our choir practice.
> >
> > 17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition
of
> > several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
> >
> > 18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
> recycled.
> > Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
> >
> > 19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased
> > person you want remembered.
> >
> > 20 . Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a
healthy
> > lunch.
> >
> > 21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
entertainment
> and
> > gracious hostility.
> >
> > 22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to
follow.
> >
> > 23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They
> may
> > be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
> >
> > 24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park
across
> from
> > the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
> >
> > 25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
> ladies
> > are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
> >
> > 26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation
> would
> > lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
> >
> > 27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please
use
> the
> > back door.
> >
> > 28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
the
> Church
> > basement Friday at 7 PM.
> > The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
> >
> > 29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church.
> > Please use large double door at the side entrance.
> >
> > 30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign
> slogan
> > last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
> >
> > 31. Our next song is: "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
> > ~~
> >
> > randy ò¿ó
> >
>
>
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