Hi, All!
In the midst of our serious discussions, we need a little humor to balance
things out. I hope you will enjoy a serving of this.
Jane
Tucson, AZ USA
Doctor's Advice
[Dr. Bob is an expert in his field!]
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.
Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
longer. That's like saying you can extend the life of your
car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow
eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So
a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of
delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (and,
green leafy vegetables). And a pork chop can give you
100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable
slop.
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.
As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world
into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We
all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are
not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves
one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and
enjoy your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your
ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio
is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
Pain... Good.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans... another vegetable!!!
"It's the best feel good food around!"
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
have had about food and diets. Have a cookie... flour is a
veggie! One more thing "When life hands you lemons, ask for
a bottle of tequila and the salt.
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