Best Resignation Letter Ever

Don't Mess with the IT Guys. This is an actual letter of resignation
from an employee at "Zantex Computers", Australia, to his
boss, J.Pilgrim. His boss, known as "Pilly," apparently resigned very
soon afterwards!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Mr. Pilgrim,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few
very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors
have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After
your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself,
during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one
of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance
of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is
not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was
hired, because I know how to network computer systems and you were
apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who
watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" -
for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple
as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never
understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to
you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you
what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever
will. You walk around the building all day, shiftless looking for fault
in others. You have a sharp dressed, useless look about you that may
have worked for your interview, but now that you actually
have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping
their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.

In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae
that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof
of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to
change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced
to tender my resignation; however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal
to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is:
"I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over
the next couple of years, to keep you honest, because I know you would
be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I
know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide
to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which
I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I
do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably
by the administration.

3. When you bor rowed the digital camera to "take pictures of
your mothers birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to
take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase
them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have
never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you
that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the
authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell
checker please.I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.

Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what
you do with all that free time!

Sincerely,

Adrian
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jayadeva de Silva ,M.Sc,MBIM,FITD,FIPM
114/4,Wijerama Mawatha,Colombo 7,SriLanka

djayadeva @hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/jayadeva_de_silva
Tel 077 7272295(Mobile) ,
94 11-2696802Residence)
HUMAN TALENTS UNLIMITED


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