by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya,
China
and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil",
which
they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis
President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having,
for
starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil .... in their
dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're
the
best evils . .. best at being evil . . . we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although
they
conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it
was
full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than
three countries", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my
rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in
the
evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is
wickedly
cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
within
minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to
gain
triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba,
Sudan
and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil",
forcing
Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil",
while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much
Evil
Really as Just Generally Disagreeable". With the criteria suddenly expanded
and
all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda
applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But
Certainly
Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics".

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually
Quite
Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland,
New
Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear
Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do",
said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun
of
him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected
the
establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay", accusing
one
of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay,
Uruguay,
and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately
world
leaders said that's only because no one asked them.