Good Morning All!  Long time no see.  Life has been full of little projects,

what I like to call the "alternate focus."  But what does this have to do with

anger?? - I'll tell you.



Up until a few years ago I too had a problem with anger.  When I'd start to

feel out of control or have a problem weighing on my mind, I'd zero my

energies in on an alternate focus.  In the old days, that meant trying to get

annalihated drinking or drugging.  I was what they call a "Highly functioning

addict."  In other words, it never interfered with work and I hid my problem

quite well.  The one thing I couldn't hide was my hostitlity.  In fact, the

guys at work had voted me, "Employee most likely to show up some day with an

automatic weapon."  This was said half-heartedly, but I'm afraid there was

more than a grain of truth to their observation of my anger.



Today I have postive outlets, gardening, cleaning, writing.  Not much glamour,

I agree, but still better than escaping through booze or drugs.  I  tackle

projects with a zeal only another compulsive could appreciate.   Over the past

few years my anger level has dropped dramatically.  I think in part it's

because I've finally accepted who I am, worts and all.



There are still those days I have like Bobby Greer who says, "But sometimes it

comes on so quick, I can't seem to control it.  I also tend to take it out on

those closest to me."



In my case, that means my hubby.  I don't even realize how nasty, sarcastic

and mean-spiritied I am.  We have a good system.  When I get really harsh

without any provocation, he has learned to bring it to my attention without

getting all resentful and pissed.  It's funny, but when he says, "Hey-

Crabagale or Hey Miss Nasty Pants- What's with the attitude?"  - This is like

turning the hose on a mad dog.  His jovial comment pointing out the problem

snaps me back to reality.  This of course only works if he too is not in an

angry place.  Luckily, I don't get out of control too often anymore.



I hadn't read any of the posts prior to BG's, getting it off my chest, so if I

restate what someone else has said, I apologize.  BG's post really sent up the

red flag.  It's odd about the "cold and clinical" comment.  I too have been

described this way, even though I don't normally think of myself as such.



I don't believe anger is a part of cp, but living with a disability adds to

daily fustration.  I had been carrying anger from the past.  Trying to fit-in,

always being sunny and happy outwardly- even if this wasn't how I felt.

Motivated by feeling my cp meant I had to work harder, be funnier, more

pleasant- just to be accepted.  Much of our anger comes in how we were raised.

If you never learned how to express it- just bottle it up and hide all real

emotion merely putting on a fase front, then you are another volcano like me.

I'm glad a lot of this anger is gone.  I can't imagine how I ever lived with

cleanched fist and jaw on the inside, all the while being sunshine and smiles

on the outside- until some unlucky person tossed on an innocent straw which

would break this camels back turning her into an angry snarling beast!  :D



Sorry for the LONG post.  I guess that is my trademark :D.  Just one more

opinion tossed into the ring-  Take Care, Be well:  Denise.