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2002 DARWIN AWARDS Are Here.

Yes, the one we've all been waiting for... the Darwin Award 2002. The
candidates
have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin Award,
It's
an annual honor given to the person who provided the Universal human gene
pool
the biggest service by getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid
way. As
always, competition this year has been keen again. Some candidates appear to
have trained their whole lives for this event!

DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES

1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet
of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.

2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when
he ran," accidentally jogged off a100- foot-high cliff on his daily run.

3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into
the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel Jones, 21 dug
the
hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach
chair
at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5
feet
of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels,
trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could
not
reach him. It took  rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to
free
him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.

4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death
was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his
hands
free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet, Nick Berrena, 20, was
stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was
trying
to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.

6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr, 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del, as
he
won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27,
and
Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the
game of
chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.

DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS

1. In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a
shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near
the
hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.

2.  In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs
in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and
caused
a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.

3.  Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their
car.
While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to
toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to
notice
the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one
of
them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at
least
10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at
the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee
rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil
of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's
leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before
the
cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived
his
fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All
I
can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night.
There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER:

PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel
of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let
fly-and
suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated
Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema
when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck
his
head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his
bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik
Dern.
"With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an
hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. "It seems
to
be just one of those freak accidents that happen."
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