Hi Linda,

     Well, I am coming out of lurk mode - I have a daughter with CP, and
actaully altho I do not have CP I am disabled physically - so I truly
understand your concerns. I am counseling you as I would my daughter - and
will when we get there - even tho she 15 - she doesn't date and I just
bought her the Barbie Volkswagon and a Barbie to go in it.
Whewwwwww.......... we are about to cross the real driving hurdle - which is
why I am lurking here. We really cripple our children when we make normal
human behavior - a hush hush bad thing. Sex is normal - thank -you -- that's
how you get here. If you can spend hours out here discussing how to make
poopies - you can deal with a little discussion how to create sexual
pleasure.

     Everyone who has not had sex before or for a longtime gets sore and
crampy becasue the muscles are not familiar with the position. One can
exercise and make it more familair - also guy on top - squashing your
stuffings out - is not the only postion - laying on your side with leg up is
good ( this requires a little skill the man's part) - being on top so you
can shift you weight is good - really good for hip concerns( this might the
way to begin), doggie style if you can kneel works great - Also remember you
can change positions while you are have a sex session. Sex is something
every couple has to grapple with - if you want to give your guy a gift -
learn how to suck his dick and swallow the semen ( this is their fantasy) -
that's what they really like. Also do not buy into the porn industry's - you
must have multi-orgasms and do all this fantastic sexual gymastics to have
good sex - That's really great if you plan on trying out for the 2006 sex
olympics. Good sex is quality rather than quantity with a very large dose of
closeness and caring. The most important thing here is going to discuss this
with your lover to be. To have sex or not have sex - baby or not baby - is a
couple decision. If you are considering having sex with someone you can't
discuss such topics with him - he not the one to be with like that. Sex is
not just physical for women but  rather an emotional and trust issue. If you
can't relax you won't be able to enjoy it. It is stressful in the begining
becasue of the newness - the stupid things we have taught - and our own
unfamilarity with our own bodies.


About having children - discuss with doctor. And discuss it with your
boyfriend - ideally - he should love you and any offspring should be icing
on the cake.  And remember most humans muddle thru life the best they can -
most children survive the thoughtless horrors their parents visit upon them.
Having children is nature hard wired response to continue the species. We
actually have plenty of the species to go around, therefore one could even
consider taking in an unwanted one. We have actaully progressed to the point
where we can give children qaulity lives - not just a life. Think about how
you would want to be treated then treat your child that way. Enjoy your life
for awhile before you have children - then once you have the child/ren you
can focus on being with them rather than resenting what you can't do becasue
you have this child. There is life before children and life after children
are grown ( okay so the life after children grown is a myth, lol). Make the
18 - 20 years you spend with kid - kid centered, otherwise why are you
having kid? Just becasue you are suppose to have kids is not a good reason.
This is stupid reason for having kids - or frankly for doing anything - a
good rule of thimb for life is - if you don't have a good solid reason for
something - why are you doing it?

  Lastly, relax - life is learned everyday, no one has all the answers - and
somedays we don't even even have the first answer. It takes 50 years to get
50 years of experience - so if you make some age related boo-boos - that
fine. This means when you are 50 - you shake your head ruefully and remember
silly stuff you did. And - well you'll be shaking your head at 75 -
wondering how you have been so dumb at 50!!

                                  Hugs - Trisha

> With Jen's baby on the way and recent discussions about wanting/having
> children, I've been thinking a lot about that very topic recently.  For
> the
> first time in my life I have met a very caring guy and am in a serious
> relationship.  We've been dating for about 4 months (but have known each
> other almosta year) and the topic of sex has come up.  I have always
> thought
> that I would wait until I get married to take that big step.  Recently, I
> am
> not so sure about that.  I haven't changed my mind yet though because
> truly,
> deep down, I am afraid that if I say "yes" I won't be able to have sex
> without some serious strain/pain on my hips.  Yes, I could talk to my
> doctor
> about this and I will.  But I would really appreciate advice from the gals
> on the list.  What was your first time like?  How did you deal with lack
> of
> flexibility/range of motion issues?  Positions?  I know my boyfriend wants
> a
> family and I would want to be sure I could give him that before we even
> consider the idea of marriage.  For now, my biggest concerns are about the
> physical act itself, with concerns about having a family further into the
> future.
>
> E-mail me offlist if you would feel more comfortable at
> [log in to unmask]
>
> Linda