Question:
what are a wife's rights on her husband according the Quran and Sunnah? or
what are a husbands duties to his wife and viceversa?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Islam has enjoined upon the husband duties towards his wife, and vice versa,
and among these duties are some which are shared by both husband and wife.
We will mention – by the help of Allaah – some of the texts of the Qur’aan
and Sunnah which have to do with the duties of the spouses towards one
another, quoting also from the commentaries and views of the scholars.
Firstly:
The rights of the wife which are hers alone:
The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry),
spending and accommodation.
And she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives,
being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a
harmful way by her husband.
1. Financial rights
(a) The mahr (dowry). This is the money to which the wife is entitled from
her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is
consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money
given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart”
[al-Nisaa’ 4:4]
The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the seriousness and importance of
the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman.
The mahr is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract,
according to the majority of fuqahaa’; rather it is one of the consequences
of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the
mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority, because
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched
(had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahr
(bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)”
[al-Baqarah 2:236]
The fact that divorce is permitted before consummation of the marriage or
before stipulating the mahr indicates that it is permissible not to
stipulate the mahr in the marriage-contract.
If the mahr is stipulated, it becomes obligatory upon the husband; if it is
not stipulated, then he must give the mahr that is given to women of similar
status to his wife.
(b) Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory for
husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife make
herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is
not entitled to that spending.
The reason why it is obligatory to spend on her is that the woman is
available only to her husband, because of the marriage contract, and she is
not allowed to leave the marital home except with his permission. So he has
to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in return for her making
herself available to him for his pleasure.
What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and
accommodation. She has the right to these things even if she is rich,
because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and
clothing on a reasonable basis” [al-Baqarah 2:233]
“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources
are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him”
[al-Talaaq 65:7]
From the Sunnah:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Hind bint
‘Utbah – the wife of Abu Sufyaan – who had complained that he did not spend
on her: “Take what is sufficient for you and your children, on a reasonable
basis.”
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu
Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man
who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from
his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said,
‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you
and your children.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)
It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:
“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of
Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of
Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone
to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like.
But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights
upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a
fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
(c) Accommodation. This is also one of the wife’s rights, which means that
her husband should prepare for her accommodation according to his means and
ability. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means”
[al-Talaaq 65:6]
2. Non-financial rights
(i) Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the rights that a wife
has over her husband is that she and her co-wives should be treated equally,
if the husband has other wives, with regard to nights spent with them,
spending and clothing.
(ii) Kind treatment. The husband must have a good attitude
towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may
soften her heart towards him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
“and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living
expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards
obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]
From the Sunnah:
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
“The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
‘Be kind to women.’”(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim, 1468).
There follow examples of the kind treatment of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) towards his wives – for he is the best
example:
1. It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “I
got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on
the clothes I usually wore for menstruation. The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me, ‘Have you got your
menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then he called me and made me lie with him under the
same sheet.”
She said: And she told me that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) used to kiss her when he was fasting, and the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do ghusl to cleanse ourselves
from janaabah from one vessel.(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 316; Muslim, 296)
2. It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: “ ‘Aa’ishah said: ‘By
Allaah, I saw the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing
with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him). He covered me with his cloak so that I
could watch their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one
who had had enough. So you should appreciate the fact that young girls like
to have fun.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 443; Muslim, 892)
3. It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah the Mother of the Believers (may Allaah
be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) used to pray sitting down; he would recite Qur’aan when
he was sitting down, then when there were thirty or forty aayahs left, he
would stand up and recite them standing up. Then he did rukoo’, then sujood;
then he would do likewise in the second rak’ah. When he had finished his
prayer, he would look, and if I was awake he would talk with me, and if I
was asleep he would lie down.
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1068)
(c) Not harming one’s wife.
This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is
haraam in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming
one’s wife.
It was narrated from ‘Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ruled, “There should be no
harming nor reciprocating harm.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah,, 2340)
This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, al-Haakim, Ibn al-Salaah
and others. See Khalaasat al-Badr al-Muneer, 2/438.
Among the things to which the Lawgiver drew attention in this matter is the
prohibition of hitting or beating in a severe manner.
It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:
“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of
Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of
Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone
to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like.
But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights
upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a
fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
Secondly:
The husband’s rights over his wife.
The rights of the husband over his wife are among the greatest rights;
indeed his rights over her are greater than her rights over him, because
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living
expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards
obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of
responsibility) over them [al-Baqarah 2:228]
al-Jassaas said: Allaah tells us in this aayah that each of the spouses has
rights over the other, and that the husband has one particular right over
his wife which she does not have over him.
Ibn al-‘Arabi said: this text states that he has some preference over her
with regard to rights and duties of marriage.
These rights include:
(a) The obligation of obedience. Allaah has made the man a qawwaam
(protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and taking
care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of the
physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given only to men and the
financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made
one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them)
from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]
‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: “Men are the
protectors and maintainers of women” means, they are in charge of them,
i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allaah has enjoined
upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his
wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak.(Tafseer Ibn
Katheer, 1/492)
(b) Making herself available to her husband. One of the rights that the
husband has over his wife is that he should be able to enjoy her
(physically). If he marries a woman and she is able to have intercourse, she
is obliged to submit herself to him according to the contract, if he asks
her. That is after he gives her the immediate mahr, and gives her some time
– two or three days, if she asks for that – to sort herself out, because
that is something that she needs, and because that is not too long and is
customary.
If a wife refuses to respond to her husband’s request for intercourse, she
has done something haraam and has committed a major sin, unless she has a
valid shar’i excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
“The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep
angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436)
(c) Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes. One of the rights
that the husband has over his wife is that she should not permit anyone whom
he dislikes to enter his house.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is
not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present without his
permission, or to admit anyone into his house without his permission. And
whatever she spends (in charity) of his wealth without his consent, ….”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026)
It was narrated from Sulaymaan ibn ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas: my father told me that
he was present at the Farewell Pilgrimage (Hujjat al-Wadaa’) with the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He [the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] praised and glorified
Allaah, then he preached a sermon and said: “Treat women kindly, for they
are prisoners and you have no other power over them than that, if they are
guilty of open lewdness, then refuse to share their beds, and hit them, but
not severely. But if they return to obedience, (then) do not seek means (of
annoyance) against them. You have rights over your women and your women have
rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they should not let
anyone whom you dislike sit on your bed and they should not let anyone whom
you dislike enter your house. Their rights over you are that you should feed
and clothe them well.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1163 – he said this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth.
Also narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1851)
It was narrated that Jaabir said: [the Prophet] (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said:
“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of
Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of
Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone
to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like.
But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights
upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a
fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
(d) Not going out of the house except with the husband’s permission. One
of the rights of the husband over his wife is that she should not go out of
the house except with his permission.
The Shaafa’is and Hanbalis said: she does not have the right to visit (even)
her sick father except with the permission of her husband, and he has the
right to prevent her from doing that… because obedience to the husband is
obligatory, and it is not permitted to neglect an obligatory action for
something that is not obligatory.
(e) Discipline. The husband has the right to discipline his wife if she
disobeys him in something good, not if she disobeys him in something sinful,
because Allaah has enjoined disciplining women by forsaking them in bed ,
when they do not obey.
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire
(Hell) whose fuel is men and stones” [al-Tahreem 66:6]
Ibn Katheer said:
Qutaadah said: you should command them to obey Allaah, and forbid them to
disobey Allaah; you should be in charge of them in accordance with the
command of Allaah, and instruct them to follow the commands of Allaah, and
help them to do so. If you see any act of disobedience towards Allaah, then
stop them from doing it and rebuke them for that.
This was also the view of al-Dahhaak and Muqaatil: that the duty of the
Muslim is to teach his family, including his relatives and his slaves, that
which Allaah has enjoined upon them and that which He has forbidden them.
(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/392)
(f) The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal of evidence
(daleel) for this, some of which has been mentioned above.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:
She is obliged to serve her husband according to what is reasonable among
people of similar standing. That varies according to circumstances: the way
in which a Bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like the way of a
town-dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not be like the way of a
weak woman. (al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561)
(g) Submitting herself to him. Once the conditions of the
marriage-contract have been fulfilled and it is valid, then the woman is
obliged to submit herself to her husband and allow him to enjoy her
(physically), because once the contract is completed, he is allowed in
return to enjoy her, and the wife is entitled to the compensation which is
the mahr.
(h) The wife should treat her husband in a good manner, because Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living
expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards
obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]
Al-Qurtubi said:
It was also narrated from him – i.e., Ibn ‘Abbaas – that this means: they
have the right to good companionship and kind and reasonable treatment from
their husbands just as they are obliged to obey the commands of their
husbands.
And it was said that they have the right that their husbands should not harm
them, and their husbands have a similar right over them. This was the view
of al-Tabari.
Ibn Zayd said: You should fear Allaah concerning them just as they should
fear Allaah concerning you.
The meanings are similar, and the aayah includes all of that in the rights
and duties of marriage.(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 3/123-124)
And Allaah knows best.
Question:
I am a new muslimah and am fromthe U.S. I have been raised not to let a man
controll me. Now the problem is that my husband is not from here and we tend
to argue alot.I know more of the laws and common everyday things more than
he does.His english is not that great, so, I have to explain to him
sometimes and he is used to how his country and culture are, so, in public I
tend to do the talking alot.This makes him mad sometimes but I feel it is
the only way to get things done right most of the time. Now we argue alot
and I don't know how to be the "wife" that I am supposed to be Islamically.
I am still in the learning process, but that is were I have my biggest
problem.How can I change that or try to make the problem better.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We praise Allaah for guiding you to Islam, which is the greatest blessing
that Allaah can bestow upon His slaves.
We would like to tell you that Allaah has given you rights over your
husband, and has enjoined upon you duties towards him.
You have to do the duties towards your husband which Allaah has enjoined
upon you. Islam regards the husband’s rights as great because of the
husband’s great importance in building the Muslim household, and because
Allaah has enjoined him (the husband) to look after his family’s interests
and take care of them.
The Muslim woman should be wise in her dealings with her husband, because
man – usually – is pleased with kind words and appreciates kind treatment.
So if that comes from his life-partner, that will have a greater effect. The
wise woman must also keep away from all kinds of behaviour that will offend
her husband, and rid herself of every kind of action that annoys him, and
try not to control him. The man has the role of qawwaam (protector and
maintainer), and the responsibility is his. Making him feel that he is
falling short in certain situations may make him angry and not treat his
wife well. One of them said: “The best wife is the one who knows how to
create harmony in her marriage and strikes a balance between obeying and
respecting her husband and expressing her own strong personality.”
Your speaking to people on his behalf – because he does not speak your
people’s language well – is permissible according to sharee’ah, but as
stated above, you have to be wise in doing this. When doing these things you
should not make him feel that he is lacking or that he is not important.
Rather you should refer to him when speaking to the people, and consult with
him, and do not make decisions in his presence without asking his
permission. You should do that in front of the people to whom you are
speaking so that he will feel that he is important. Try to make him feel
that he speaks his own language better than you do, and that you complement
one another; and you can help him to learn your language, and he can help
you to learn his language.
This is what we advise you to do, and this is what may reduce his anger and
stop him from behaving in this manner. It seems that it is only a matter of
time, and you have to be careful in handling this situation until he becomes
more fluent in your language and is able to do things himself, on his own.
Secondly:
In order to become a good wife, you have to learn what Allaah has enjoined
upon you, so that you can do it. You have to know how righteous women
behave, their attitude and the way they interact with their husbands. You
will need to strive hard until you get used to it, but it is not impossible.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Knowledge
comes by learning, and patience comes by trying to be patient. Whoever seeks
goodness will be given it, and whoever fears evil will be protected from
it.” Narrated by al-Daaraqutni in al-Afraad; this is a hasan hadeet, as was
stated by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2328.
Some of these characteristics and attitudes are those of which a wise mother
advised her daughter before marriage, which is comprehensive advice. We
ask Allaah to help you to achieve this. That mother said to her daughter:
“O my daughter, you are leaving your house in which you grew up, and going
to live with a man whom you do not know, a companion whom you are unfamiliar
with. Be like a slave woman to him and he will be like a slave to you.
Remember ten characteristics which will be a stored treasure for you:
The first and second are to be devoted to him and be content, listen to him
and obey.
The third and the fourth are to consider his nose and eyes; do not let him
see anything ugly of you, or let him smell anything but a good fragrance.
The fifth and the sixth are consider the time of his sleeping and eating,
for hunger burns and disturbance of sleep causes anger.
The seventh and the eighth are to look after his wealth and to take care of
his family and his dependents.
The ninth and the tenth are to look after his wealth and take care of his
dependents.”
Thirdly:
The husband has to fear Allaah his Lord, and not transgress the rights of
his wife. He should give her her rights as Allaah has enjoined upon him. He
should realize that people vary, and that what he knows, many people are
ignorant of, and what he is ignorant of, many people know. For him to have
a wife who will translate for him and show him what will benefit him and how
things are done is better for him than having someone with him whom he
cannot trust. Knowledge can only be acquired by learning, and the way to
learn is by striving and working hard.
Advise him to try to control himself at times of anger, and not to get angry
unless you have transgressed one of the sacred limits of Allaah. This is the
kind of anger that is regarded as praiseworthy.
And Allaah knows best.
With the very best of good wishes,
Musa Amadu Pembo
Glasgow,
Scotland
UK.
[log in to unmask]
Da’wah is to convey the message with wisdom and with good words. We should
give the noble and positive message of Islam. We should try to emphasize
more commonalities and explain the difference without getting into
theological arguments and without claiming the superiority of one position
over the other. There is a great interest among the people to know about
Islam and we should do our best to give the right message.
May Allah,Subhana Wa Ta'Ala,guide us all to His Sirat Al-Mustaqim (Righteous
Path).May He protect us from the evils of this life and the hereafter.May
Allah,Subhana Wa Ta'Ala,grant us entrance to paradise .
We ask Allaah the Most High, the All-Powerful, to teach us that which will
benefit us, and to benefit us by that which we learn. May Allaah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala grant blessings and peace to our Prophet Muhammad and his family
and
companions..Amen.
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