when the time comes, just build your access anyway ittakes, it is your
space.

-----Original Message-----
From: Betty B [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Friday, March 22, 2002 8:50 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Wheelchair Access and Neighbors


An odd thing happened with my new next door neighbor over the winter, and
I'm
still thinking of the most peaceable way to approach the situation.

When she moved in, she asked me about planting things in a small area of
ground in front of my home.  She wanted to "take charge" of that space, as
she stated.  This is condo land; we have some shared space, but that
particular space is mine.  We had just met in that conversation.  She wasn't
even finished moving in and said that to me!  I was taken aback by her turn
of phrase, but decided that the arrangement would be useful for me as well.
I have enough problems trying to take care of the inside.

I told her that would be fine, but explained where I planned to create
wheelchair access in that same area, so we could work together on the
arrangement and each have something.  I was very specific about the proposed
location, and made sure she heard me say it twice.  Her use of the term
"take
charge" put me on notice to do it that way.

It wasn't long after that conversation, when I came out of my home to find
plants all in a row and a brick border precisely in that location.  There is
no way to carry out my plan without removing her installations.

I've given this a long enough examination in favor of benefit of the doubt.
This was no communication glitch.  I stated my case, and she stated hers in
return.  I've been challenged.

There are numerous possible answers to this dilemma, but finding the right
way to straighten her out without causing a war between the neighbors is
going to take a little work.  This is a woman who takes what she wants.
Winning in a clumsy way will result in long term hostilities.

Dumping a thirty year friendship over my own rights and dignity has already
taken its toll this year, and I'm drained and depressed from that
confrontation as well as from the events that led to it.  My defenses were
low when I met this woman, and I failed to snap to mental attention as
quickly as I should have.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed though, so I've gained an advantage.  At
the moment, I'm liking the idea of letting her come at me any way she wants,
then standing aside just at the last moment.  Her own momentum will work for
me, and she will slam her own head into a wall.  Right now she thinks she's
won, and I'm going to let her keep thinking that for a while.  I can't do
the
access change right now anyway, but she doesn't know that.

I'd felt fairly beaten by this, but I don't seem to feel that way now.  This
is the art of war, and I'm now inclined to be thankful that she has tipped
her hand early in the game.  I admire Robert E. Lee, but he erred at
Gettysburg in a way that I do not intend to err at Alexandria.

Betty