Enjoy!  Kat

> How (not) to speak English Properly
>
> 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
> 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
> 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
> 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
> 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
> 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
> 7. Be more or less specific.
> 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
> unnecessary.
> 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
> 10. No sentence fragments.
> 11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
> 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
> 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than
> necessary; it's highly superfluous.
> 14. One should NEVER generalize.
> 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
> 16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
> 17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
> 18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
> 19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
> 20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthet-
> ical words however should be enclosed in commas.
> 21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would
> suffice.
> 22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use
> them.
> 23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to
> put forth earth-shaking ideas.
> 24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said,
> "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
> 25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand
> times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million
> can use it correctly.
> 26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
> 27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquial-
> isms.
> 28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be
> derailed.
> 29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
> 30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than under-
> statement.
>
> And the last one...
>
> 31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
>