Why embarrassed with these quirks
these shumbling CP hurky-jerks?

Hi Fiona,

Thanks for your interesting post.

Regarding anger, laughter, and other emotions, I offer my opinion without
benefit of formal medical, psychological, or other kindred expertise.

Thus, my perspective as a 58th year CP man, middle class and moderately
educated.  At this advanced age life finds me going through change and
reappraisal.  I'm reconsidering my beliefs, assumptions, and CP identity as
derived from the malarkey and BS that doctors, scientists, and other well
intended, dubiously witted, short sighted and money driven specialists push
and publish upon the rest of us.  Clergy, teachers, parents, usually parrot
kindred bromides which disguise and undermine what often remains unexplored
about our best nature.  I will try, however linguistically brainwashed, to
avoid the indecipherable argot which veils ignorance behind "specialist"
jargon.

As you may well observe, Fiona, long after Eden, we varied adults still
sport our fig leaves.  Our most difficult problems arise innately,
"structurally," from our being human: that strong emotions, senses, and
thoughts inform us and compel our actions.

The human condition includes lifelong questions which occasionally yield
acceptable, often less than adequate and compromising, and ever changing
answers.

If you read any of Bobby Greer's or Vikki A. Stefans' recent posts,
primarily to the CP Dystonia list, they attempt to convey a range of the
definitions and distinctions, including historical offerings, which doctors
and scientists are compiling on our (or is it their own?) behalf. I find
Bobby and Vikki to be brilliant, superbly educated and experienced, well
intentioned folks.  Their efforts to share their knowledge warrants
appreciation.

Yet their efforts make me laugh, seem absurdist  What I find "laughable" is
the gap from what the definitions portend to their translation into useful
matters and means that improve my life, day to day.

What I find lacking and harmful in assumptions about CP, and this may more
reflect my own bias and ignorance, is a dynamic, brain function based,
neurologic presentation of CP, one which better explains what questions you
raise regarding emotions or better reflects the rather dramatic adverse
changes in the range of abilities and health that Mag or Denise or Kyle or
others or I have been experiencing.

The matters you raise are not unique.  I've had anger, laughter,
physio-emotional response issues all my life.  It's taken most of my life to
"sort out."  Things still happen unexpectedly, sometimes from joy and
surprise, often unwanted.

Controlling temper and putting matters in or keeping perspective takes
practice, a lifetime's worth.  The tasks seem enormous when there's so much
to be angry about, much frustration in not being able to do for ourselves,
dependence on other people who usually don't do things quite right or don't
quite "get it."

Some of us are more predisposed to anger.  Some of us have to live with,
cannot readily change, conditions and situations which invoke anger.  What's
tough to see in the CP experience is how typically predisposition and
situations stir anger in any person, i.e., it's not the "CP," it's being
human.

I don't imply that CP doesn't play a role or take it's toll.  I'd be in deep
denial to assert CP doesn't matter.  To me CP probably behavior in ways
still misperceived and inadequately evaluated.  We with CP are aware, if
understated, of its daily presence and impact.

CP's have "balance" and "control" problems that come from organic brain
damage.  Our emotional and physical actions and responses have to be
"recircuited" through healthy functioning brain regions.  These areas do the
"extra" work of conducting "normal" functions and carrying the "duties" of
the injured parts while the injured parts may partially or erratically send
diminished or flawed signals, if at all.  Has there yet been adequate
analysis of the impact of the signals on the central nervous system, the
ordering and control of the total body dynamic and personality development?
Not that I've ever heard.

The injured brain and diverted pathways may contribute to emotions
experienced or expressed erratically, excessively, or in ways divergent with
social or physical norms.  In other words, we don't usually look, move or
sound like nondisabled people in similar circumstances.  Yet we know that
whatever our differences we're not abnormal.  What I love about Mariana
Ruybalid's poetry: her powerful refusal to gloss reality.  She insists on
her personhood and womanhood no matter her degrees of tilt from the
perpendicular, wields her wondrous beautiful awesome razored language.
Learn from Mariana, Fiona.

Given intelligence and ability we are responsible for our actions and
reactions to others and our environment.  A wise man has written
that people generally in any given social setting are likely to be rude,
crude, and indifferent.  They regard others in terms of their own self
interest.  If everybody usually functions similarly we can begin to
constrain anger when we realize someone else's behavior is not directed
towards us in a personal endangering manner.  This gives opportunity to
distinguish what is dangerous, what is normally irritating, and promote
constructive behavior.

My sense, Fiona, is that you really don't get angry over nothing.
Something, however trivial or trifling, irritates and angers you, frustrates
you, or raises your stress level to a point of anger or rage.

The irony about being human is that trifles and trivia usually upset and
anger us more than the Big Issues or truly dangerous situations.  Since
irritations are normal in daily life we need to learn the effective ways of
handling what's normal.  Give yourself credit, Fiona. You noticed that your
current reactions are not providing satisfactory results.  By so noticing
and sharing with us you've allowed yourself to develop another point of
view.  You've set yourself on the path to change your behavior, a tremendous
achievement.

Some techniques and awareness involve "spotting" anger and redirecting
toward getting a desired result or letting the anger go.  The matter to be
realized is that you choose behaviors, actions, and reactions.  Don't deny
your anger, express it, use it appropriately in a mature reasonable manner.
If you loose control and tip into rage, ok, make amends, acknowledge you'll
try to do differently next time.  Keep becoming aware of the differences
between rage and controlled, merited, directed anger.

As for being stressed and overwhelmed by the need to plan.  Look gal, give
yourself a break.  Do things in smaller segments.  Let others help you.  You
wouldn't try to get a pound of steak down in one gulp.  Even God, with all
the tools available to Great Powers, took six days and one of rest to paste
together the Universe as we know it.  He may have been His Own Boss, but He
was His Own Chief Steward, Who imposed limits on His work day.

More reasonable expectations yield better results.  You really don't need to
worry out every nugget in advance.  Most important things in life happen
without exhaustive effort.  Most of what needs to get done does.  If you
worry or try to control too much you may need to address fear, lack of
experience, lack of self assurance.  If you've got OCD or other dysfunction
then meds and therapy may be useful.

The pressure and anxiety of anger and laughter in social settings eases with
experience, and maturity. As we age we grow into ourselves.  Our reactions
and sensitivities to what we believe others want of us ease and we become
more self assured and secure, more centered on our priorities and purposes.
As we age and mature we grow more into our own acceptance of ourselves.

I went through years of stifling laughter at funerals and not being able to
release in occupied men's rooms without secluding in a stall and hoping for
the best.  Now I cry at funerals, usually.  And these days I desperately
inch towards a men's room praying the urge won't prematurely surge.

And yes I more times control or don't experience anger as I used to.  While
I find it easier to stop my laughter, and often laugh less, I'm more amused
at much more often.

Hugs.

[;s>



Date:    Sat, 6 Feb 1999 17:40:25 +1100
From:    "B.GIVEN" <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: Embarrassing CP quirks

I don't post on this list very often.

I was wondering if any of you have difficulty controlling your temper and
putting things into perspective?

I blow up over nothing. I get so stressed over planning things because I am
so dependant on other people.

I was also wondering if any of you have trouble controlling your laughter?

Thanks,

Fiona