>>> [log in to unmask] 01/15/02 11:33AM >>>
This list is very quiet. People must be busy and have a life, unlike certain
retired folks  I know, LOL.

    To update this list, my wife is flying back from Austin today
(hopefully)! She and my daughter drove from Austin to Pueblo, CO. and back
due to our daughters fear of flying. What mothers won't do for their kids!
The parents of our deceased niece are devastated. Losing a child, then losing
another four years later is unbelievably horrible.

Bobby




I have read studies that say that of all the kinds of losses the most difficult is losing your child. It is just not the natural order of things - for your child to go first. Having lost a child myself I can somewhat appreciate the pain your in-laws are going through. I can't imagine their triple loss. 

I probably don't need to tell you this but the most important thing you can do is to keep talking about it. The worst thing is for a parent to never hear their child's name mentioned again. So many people are uncomfortable - they don't know what to say, they don't want to upset the person, they are afraid of making things worse by reminding the person of their loss. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Saying nothing is the worst - like your child didn't exist. Believe me you cannot make it worse and you cannot upset people any more than they already are - unless you do say nothing. A few people still remember Joey on the boys' birthday with a small token gift - flowers, a card, a candle, an angel trinket... These things mean so much. They really help with the healing. Friends of ours bought a tree that was planted in his name in a local park. That was very special too.

Just some thoughts from someone who's been there. I will continue to keep your family in my thoughts, Bobby.

Yvonne
Mommy of 4 year old triplets: 
Bobby, Anthony (moderate spastic quad CP), and our Angel Joey (severe CP plus many medical complications) {April 14/ 97 - December 31/ 98}