Everybody else has put their two cents in, so I might as well too.

It seems like every time I turn around I'm hearing or reading about someone's
family being adversely affected by alcoholism. It destroyed my second
marriage, and every dead body I ever pulled out of a car after an accident
was one that reeked of alcohol and blood.  They were all young people
too...people who are supposed to be alive today.  I'll never forget that
smell combination.  I can almost smell it now while I'm thinking about it.
Not one of them -- I guarantee you -- started out that evening thinking that
he would end up dying on the highway in a gruesome way.

I just turned down the offer of an old friend to come and live with me to
help me because she's an alcoholic.  In fact, had I not changed our plan, she
would have arrived this week.  She had a job lined up here and everything.

I didn't realize that the problem was still there -- I thought perhaps it was
a teenage thing and she'd gotten over it.  But she called last week and left
this pathetic message "Betty HELP!  mumble, mumble, mumble, etc.  Help me"
and then click.  I didn't even recognize that it was her voice.  It sounded
like someone was having a stroke, to tell you the truth.  I played that
message over and over again trying to figure out who it was, and trying to
make some sense out of the garbled speech.  I finally figured out that it was
her and that she was drunk as a skunk.  I called her a few hours later, and
she simply said that she was okay and that she was sorry about the message.
She didn't even realize that she sent me on this frigging, mental, roller
coaster ride.

I ended up sending her an e-mail telling her not to come.  I told her that
while I loved her, and appreciated her offer, I was not going to have
alcoholism touch my life again.  She replied that she'd never been "SO" hurt
in all her life.

Tough.  I've got enough problems, and she's not going to come in here and
destroy the first home I've had in my adult life where I did not in some way
feel threatened.

After my Mother in law moved in with us (second marriage) I started noticing
that I couldn't keep any kind of alcohol in the house, or she would drink it
all.  We didn't know that she had this problem when we asked her to move in
with us.  My husband was completely oblivious to this until after our
separation.  I never confronted him about it, because he thought she could do
no wrong.  I didn't know what to do.  I really didn't.

I had to stop keeping wine around for guests, cooking with wine or beer, etc.
 I used to like a scotch now and then, but no, I couldn't keep that in the
house either.  It took that woman about one and one half years to destroy my
marriage, and had my husband so turned around that he ended up threatening to
kill me.  After I left, he realized on his own.  She didn't care.  She got
rid of me and had her son all to herself, which was her goal, I suppose.  She
watched him standing about two inches from my face, threatening to break my
neck, for a bout a half an hour.  This man, with his 3rd degree black belt in
martial arts, which he earned in Japan from the people who know what the hell
they are doing with martial arts, told me for a half an hour that he was
going to snap my neck.  He could have done it too.  One fast move and I would
have been dead.  I didn't beg for my life once.  I just kept saying, "just do
it Chris. If you're going to do it, just do it."  I was ready to die and
thought that I was going to.

The whole time she was sitting, watching, and smoking cigarettes as though
she were enjoying a movie.  Every time I think about that, I get lost in my
head for a little while.

Alcohol is not a useful answer for long term treatment.  It's physically
addictive.  Today it's a few beers, tomorrow it might be a case.  The day
after that, one beer will be too much and a thousand will not be enough.  No
offense, but if you choose to stay on that course, say good-bye to your
family now, while you're sober enough to do it, and leave before you destroy
the people you love.  This way they won't have to watch you slowly -- or
quickly -- kill yourself or someone else either.

I'd apologize for speaking so strongly, except that I'm not sorry.
Practicing drunks disgust me, and I've never seen anything to make me feel
otherwise.  You're not one yet (I'm assuming and hoping), but please, for
your sake and the sake of the people you love, DO NOT continue this course of
treatment.  It will only lead to disaster, and that's a promise.

Whoops!  I guess that was a little more than two cents.  You'll get over it
though.

Betty

In a message dated 11/08/2001 6:46:20 AM Eastern Standard Time, [log in to unmask]
writes:

> i guess i am worried about my friends because of my family. i have a few,
>  the closest being my younger brother. he went into alcohol rehab last week.
>  i am going over today to see after a few things with my mother. my younger
>  brother is the only one who is not a christian. when my dad died in july we
>  all turned to god for stength. he turned to more alcohol.
>  so if i seem a little sensative to the issue, you know why. and i do get
>  concerned for you guys and your problems. i am concerned even when i do not
>  express it.
>


Betty
aut viam inveniam aut faciam
"I will either find a way or make one."