Joanne, I'm stealing bandwidth here...I'll reply tomorrow.  Thanks for the
encouraging words!
-----Original Message-----
From: jd
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: 3/7/02 7:34 PM
Subject: Re: kyle's varied past

--- "Cleveland, Kyle E." <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
> Well, I was sort of speaking in the sense of more
> intimate relationships.
> In my case, for example, my ex and current wives.  I
> was driven internally
> to demonstrate that I could do all of these cool
> things, yet I feel my most
> intimate relationships were harmed by this
> single-mindedness.  I've always
> been mannerly and courteous, but what I'm talking
> about is an ongoing desire
> to put another's needs CONSISTENTLY ahead of my own.
>  Only after I realized
> that did I have success in those closest
> relationships.

Kyle,
let me say I still find you quite a remarkable man,
more so now then before. I don't think your "driven"
attitude really has anything to do with your physical
disability as much as your need to prove yourself(
actually better than being content to mooch off
others)My dad has no physical disability. Any
disadvantage he felt he had was being the first son(
and the youngest child in the family...his parents and
older sibs immigrated from Italy)of immigrants.He
faced of course faced ethic discrimination in his life
as well.He is now retired from the firm he started
over 45 years ago(..my youngest brother has taken over
the reigns). It was a very successful bussiness but he
put many many hours into it to make it that way. Yes
even to the point that my parents separated for a
brief time when we were young children.
I think he was trying so hard to impress his own
father who would never give him the satisfaction of
telling his son he did good. My dad,75 yrs old now
still rues the fact that his dad bragged about his
oldest son( who was close to 20 years older than my
dad)was foremen for a big company like Chrysler. My
dad would show his father tax returns that showed he
paid more in taxes than his brother made all year.
Some where along the line he no longer felt the need
to prove himself any longer to anyone. There was the
self acceptance that he indeed did good and provided
his family well as well as raising terrific kids( well
at least a terrific daughter..I won't disillusion him
about his sons :-) ). I think he also learned from his
upbringing to praise whatever accomplishment his kids
achieved do matter how different the achievements
were.
I think you've reached that point as well, that lets
you accept your own accomplishments as good enough
which opens the door the more intimate relationships
with loved ones.
Joanne

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