Thought these might amuse!

>
>Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
>
>The ceremony was crap but the Reception was Brilliant.
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>Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
>
>Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
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>"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
>
>"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
>
>"Is it common? "
>
>"It's not unusual."
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>A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
>
>The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
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>Guy goes into the doctor's.
>
>"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside
>
>"How's that
>
>"Don't you start"
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>Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!
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>What do you call a fish with no eyes?
>
>A fsh.
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>Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
>
>And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
>
>That means it's either my mum or my dad.
>
>Or my older brother Colin.
>
>Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
>
>But I think it's Colin.
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>So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
>
>"Can you give me a lift?"
>
>I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
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>Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."
>
>The other one says "so are you, you fat bastard!"
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>Two cannibals eating a clown.
>
>One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
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>Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,  the
>other was eating fireworks.
>
>They charged one and let the other one off.
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>"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
>
>They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
>
>"That was so nice of them"
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>A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several
>places"
>
>The doctor said "well don't go there any more"