Betty,

    You are having a bad time and I am sorry. You talk about the bad things
you remember from your firefighting experiences. That is tough. I have only
seen tragedy close up and personal a few times and I block it out. What you
might try is an inventory with some of your worst memories. It is a spiritual
excercise from the 12 step program and should be followed by a 5th step ( a
personal confession to another person). If done right it reveals the deeper
shortcomings within us. You probably blame yourself and some other things. If
interested ask me off list and I could help you.

Bobby

>Bobby, I'm not afraid to confront her because of her, I'm afraid
>because of me.  I snapped or something this winter.  I don't know what
>the
>heck has happened and I don't want to take it out on anyone.  I'm afraid
>that
>is what will happen if I get started so I'm keeping to myself.  I'm staying
>away from everyone I can for the time being, until I feel like a human
>being
>again.
>
>Sorry, it's just that too many things are getting to me right now.  Thanks
>for this.  In my next life I promise to have cp. for real.
>