Limda Wagner wrote:

> For the
> first time in my life I have met a very caring guy and am in a serious
> relationship.  We've been dating for about 4 months (but have known each
> other almosta year) and the topic of sex has come up.  I have
> always thought
> that I would wait until I get married to take that big step.
> Recently, I am
> not so sure about that.  I haven't changed my mind yet though
> because truly,
> deep down, I am afraid that if I say "yes" I won't be able to have sex
> without some serious strain/pain on my hips.  Yes, I could talk
> to my doctor
> about this and I will.  But I would really appreciate advice from the gals
> on the list.  What was your first time like?  How did you deal
> with lack of
> flexibility/range of motion issues?  Positions?  I know my
> boyfriend wants a
> family and I would want to be sure I could give him that before we even
> consider the idea of marriage.  For now, my biggest concerns are about the
> physical act itself, with concerns about having a family further into the
> future.

I am not a woman, and my cp really doesn't affect my lower body to an
appreciable extent. Therefore I am definitely not the ideal candidate to
answer your questions. However I hope you won't mind of bit of input that
you may find helpful.

There is a mailing list (a yahoo group actually) known as "disabledsex".
Check out

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/disabledsex

for more info. The group is open to folks with all kinds of disabilities, so
you'll find a preponderance of SCI folk, sb people, folks with MD, etc. But
there are a lot of cp folk there. The list's moderator is a woman with cp.
It's a nice group of people and Erin the moderator maintains a supportive,
caring atmosphere.

You should be able to get most if not all of your questions answered.

Your post raises some interesting general questions about the relationship
between cp (and all disabilities) and sexuality. I don't want to tread too
heavily on anyone's genuine religious/moral convictions here, however I
think there are areas where Western society's prevailing religious views
come in to direct conflict with the realities of having cp. Sexual
abstinence until marriage is definitely one of these.

Sex is certainly not everything in a committed relationship, but it's folly
not to realize that it is of huge importance. The realities of what someone
can and cannot do need to be thoroughly examined against one's partner's
expectations - especially if the partner is AB - BEFORE a commitment like
marriage is made.

To put it bluntly, in my opinion it's a very bad idea for anyone with a
disability to even contemplate a life-long commitment without making sure
that basic sexual compatibility can be achieved first.

I hope this post sparks discussion, as I would love to hear other's views on
this topic.

Brent