This is not meant to offend but to give us all a little break in the
spirit of shared enthusiasm for our lives:

I did not write it but it gave me pause.

THE TOUGHEST DECISION: SHOULD MY LOVED ONE
BE PLACED IN AN ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY?

For family members, it is often the most difficult and painful
decision they will face: to accept that a loved one - a parent, a
spouse, perhaps a sibling - is technologically impaired and should no
longer be allowed to live independently, or come near a computer or
electronic device without direct supervision. The time has come to
place that loved one into the care of an Assisted Computing Facility.
But you have questions. So many questions. We at Silicon Pines want to
help.

WHAT EXACTLY IS AN "ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY"?

Sometimes referred to as "Homes for the Technologically Infirm,"
"Technical Invalid Care Centers," or "Homes for the Technically
Challenged," Assisted Computing Facilities, (ACFs), are modeled on
assisted living facilities, and provide a safe, structured residential
environment for those unable to handle even the most common, everyday
multitask. Most fully accredited ACFs, like Silicon Pines, are oases
of hope and encouragement that allow residents to lead productive,
technologically relevant lives without the fear and anxiety associated
with actually having to understand or execute the technologies
themselves.

For more on Silicon Pines, we hope you'll take the time to Click Here.

WHO SHOULD BE IN AN ACF?

Sadly, technology is advancing at such a dramatic rate that many
millions, of all ages, will never truly be able to understand it,
putting an undue burden on those friends and family members who must
explain it to them. But unless the loved one is suffering from a truly
debilitated affliction, such as Reinstallzheimers, the decision to
commit is entirely personal. You must ask yourself, "How frustrated am
I that my parent/sibling/spouse is unable to open an email
attachment?" "How much of my time should be taken up explaining how
RAM is different from hard drive memory?" "How many times can I bear
to hear my dad say, 'Hey, can I replace the motherboard with a
fatherboard? Ha ha ha!'"

To make things easier, we have prepared a list of Warning Signs which
we encourage you to return to often or, if you can't figure out how to
bookmark, print out.

Also, please take a moment to read "I'm Glad I'm in Here! - A
Resident's Story."

MUST IT BE FAMILY, OR CAN I PLACE ANYONE IN AN ACF?

Several corporations have sought permission to have certain employees,
or at times entire sales departments, committed to ACFs. At present,
however, individuals can be committed only by direct family, or
self-internment. The reason is simple: there are not nearly enough
ACFs in the world to accommodate all the technologically challenged.
For example, there are currently 860,000 beds available in ACFs, but
there are 29 million AOL users.

HOW MUCH WILL IT COST?

ACF rents range from free* up to $12,500 per month. The disparity is
currently a point of contention in the ACF industry. Many residents
are covered through government programs such as Compucaid or
Compucare, but reimbursement rates are low and only cover a portion of
the fees. Exacerbating the situation are the HMOs (Helpdesk
Maintenance Organizations), which often deny coverage, forcing
residents to pay out of pocket or turn to expensive private techcare
insurers such as BlueCache/BlueScreen.

Offsetting the costs are technology companies themselves, many of
which subsidize ACFs. Firms such as Microsoft, Dell, Qualcomm, and
America Online will pay up to 100 percent of a resident's monthly
bill, but there is a catch. ISPs, for instance, require residents to
sign service contracts lasting a year or more. Microsoft, meanwhile,
prohibits the installation of any competitive software, while
Priceline requires that residents buy shares of its stock, which seems
onerous but saves residents on lavatory tissue.

HOW OLD MUST I BE TO HAVE SOMEONE COMMITTED?

Until very recently, you had to be 18 or older to legally commit a
family member. However, the now famous British court case Frazier vs.
Frazier and Frazier has cleared the way for minors to commit their
parents. In that case, 15-year-old Bradley Frazier of Leicester had
his 37-year-old parents committed to an ACF in Bournemouth after a
judge ruled Nigel and Janet Frazier were a "danger to themselves and the
community." According to court records, Bradley told his parents about
the ILoveYou virus and warned them not to click attachments, then the
next day his parents received an ILoveYou email and clicked on the
attachment because, they explained, "it came from someone we know."

WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR IN AN ACF?

First, make sure it's a genuine Assisted Computing Facility, and not
an Assisted Living Facility. To tell the difference, observe the
residents. If they look rather old and tend to openly discuss bowel
movements, this is probably assisted living. On the other hand, if
they vary in age and say things like, "I'm supposed to figure that
out? I'm not Bill goddamned Gates you know!", this is probably
assisted computing.

Also, at a well-run ACF, residents should lead full, independent
lives, and should be allowed the use of many technology devices,
including telephones, electric toothbrushes, and alarm clocks.
However, only a facility's Licensed Techcare Professionals (LTPs)
should perform computational or technological tasks such as installing
programs or saving email attachments. And LTPs should NEVER answer
residents' questions because studies have shown that answering user
questions inevitably makes things worse. Instead, residents should
simply have things done for them, relieving them of the pressure to
"learn" or "improve."

CAN A RESIDENT EVER GET OUT?

No.

OK, THIS SOUNDS PROMISING. HOW CAN I LEARN MORE?

For your enlightenment, we offer extensive information on Silicon
Pines and the ACF lifestyle, which can be found by clicking one of the
links in the navigation bars found at both the top and bottom of this
page. But whatever you decide, keep in mind that due to demand, ACFs
now have long waiting lists. WebTV subscribers alone will take years
to absorb.

Hands-on Technolog(eye)s
Touching The Internet
http://members.home.com/poehlman1/
mailto:[log in to unmask]
voice: 301.949.7599


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