From: European and Language Services, University of North London
Female Keywords Decoded
1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are
right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should
shut up. (Never use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to
have one of those arguments).
2. "Five Minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football
game is going to last or the five minutes that you use to play computer games
with - before you take out the rubbish bin. Women feel it's an even trade.
3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out and upside down. "Nothing" usually signifies an! argument that
will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the
result will be that the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a
"five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine".
5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want,
because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in a few
minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about
"Five Minutes" when she cools off.
6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still, often, a verbal statement very
frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a
complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing".
7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" is one of the few
things that men actually understand. It means that she is momentarily
content. Your best bet is to not move, or breathe, in the hope that the
moment will last a bit longer.
8. "Oh!"
This word - followed by any statement - is trouble. Example; "Oh! I talked to
him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh!" before a
statement - run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she
is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not
expect her to talk to you for at least two days. ("Oh!" as the lead to a
sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie
more to get out of it or you'll get a raised eyebrow & "Go Ahead".)
9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a
man."That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding
what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. Once she has had time to
plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble!
10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance
to come up with an excuse for whatever you have done. In other words,a chance
to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly,you
shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
11. "Thanks"
The woman is just thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden
meaning. Just say "You're welcome".
12. "Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks a Lot is dramatically different from "Thanks". A woman will say
"Thanks A Lot" when she is really mad at you. It is usually followed by the
"Loud Sigh". This means that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be
careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell
you "Nothing".
Claire Bradshaw
English Language Consultant
European ! and Language Services
University of North London
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