Oh Joy,
Don't beat yourself up.  If I read right (sometimes that's a challenge :))
you are 18, right?
Just a couple of years ago you were still, in a lot of emotional ways, a
child.  Do children usually do what is fun and easy, or what is right and
hard work?  It takes a lot of maturing to realize that sometimes doing the
hard work first makes the rest fun and easy. Amazing how much "growing up"
one can do in a couple of years!  I remember my first year at college,
realizing that my mother really did know what she had been talking about all
those years.  Wow! I was 17 when I moved into the dorm at an out-of-state
college.  I was just a baby.....
I think it is very responsible and mature that you are doing everything you
can now to prepare for your life ahead.  That's GREAT!
I also know that sometimes we parents keep our children helpless, but not
really on purpose.  I sometimes forget, am too busy or just don't have the
patience to push my sons to do all that they should.  It sure is a lot
easier to just put their socks and shoes on them, or cut their food for
them, to give them cups with lids so there are fewer spills, etc.  It can
even be hard to remember to cue my son to use his other hand, or to squat
instead of bend over, etc. I know that I am doing him a diservice , but it
gets SO hard to divide your time, and it can NEVER be even, or "fair."  And
someone or another's needs are always unmet.  And we parents like the easy
way too.

April
Mom to Christopher, 10, HFA, Seizure Disorder, & more; Benjamin, 8, ADHD,
atypical migraines, SID, OCD, Tourette's, ? Hypoglycemia; Nicholas, 4,
former 34-week preemie, PVL, mixed CP, SID, asthma; Nathan, 3, NDA, prob.
gifted & a big scamp :)
and Wife to Steve, aka Superman

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre
minds." - Albert Einstein

"Nobody realizes that some people expend trememdous energy to be
normal." -Albert Camus

"One of the best things about old friends is that you can afford to be
stupid with them." -
Ralph Waldo Emerson

"We are born with our eyes closed and our mouths open, and we spend our
whole lives trying to reverse that mistake of nature." -Dale E.Turner

"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I
repeat myself." -Mark Twain

"I am not the boss of my house.  I don't know how I lost it.  I don't know
when I lost it.  I don't think I ever had it.  But I've seen the job and I
don't want it."  --Bill Cosby