EXCELLENT!  Very intriguing!!!!!!  WOW!  Wouldn't that be something.....

Paige



On Sun, 11 March 2001, Deri James wrote:

>
> Hi,
>
> Thought I'd write a little bit of prose as my contribution, a short story of
> alian abduction of a person with CP (well ISM raised the bar with his
> excellent poem, but I'm just going to dive underneath).
>
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
>                            Abducted
>                            ========
>
>    "What the ....".
>
> You don't expect to see a bright pool of light while driving
> through the puddled country lanes of a dank March evening. But
> there it was right in front of me.
>
> A piercing white/blue oasis flooded through all the cars
> windows. Then blackness...
>
> ... a winking light tugged at my consciousness, and I woke
> up feeling warm and clammy. The room seemed like some sort
> of doctors surgery, decked out with an advanced hologramic
> display of my head showing the complex folds of my brain,
> complete with aspidistra and eye-chart (which I couldn't
> read!).
>
>    "Welcumm earthling - my name is 'o"
>
> The surprise of seeing an alien bending over me was
> nothing compared to hearing a voice which had the monotonic
> drawl of someone with CP.
>
>    "Are you understanning me earthling?".
>
>    "I can't believe you have Cerebral Palsy, with all this
>    advanced medical equipment."
>
> He flicked a switch on the control panel and his voice
> changed to a plummy Oxford accent:
>
>    "Terribly sorry old boy, the Universal Translator
>    recognised your voice as 'CP English', I didn't realise
>    you understood 'Oxford English' as well!".
>
> Strangely I didn't feel frightened (probably the Dantrium
> and Valium kicking in!!). The alien had no hair and quite a
> high domed head.
>
>    "Why have you abducted me?"
>
>    "I wanted to talk to you. You see I am a researcher into
>    Terran Neuro Processes - three year fully funded
>    fellowship - very prestigious. Me and my colleague,
>    Cedric are fascinated with Human Heads - they are all
>    roughly the same size."
>
> For the first time I realised there was a second alien
> standing absolutely still with a slightly vacant grin on his
> face. Instantly noticeable was Cedric's dome was much
> smaller, in fact the whole head seemed smaller. I glanced
> back at Bo's gleaming dome.
>
>    "Aah, I see you have noticed that Cedric has a number 3
>    sized head - I", he proudly stroked his dome, "have a
>    number 7".
>
> Bo leaned closer covering the side of his mouth and said
> confidentially.
>
>    "Sometimes I wish I'd brought a size 4 with me, but I
>    would have had to include his name when we publish the
>    research - rules you know." Then towards Cedric, "Say
>    hello Cedric".
>
> The vacant look on Cedric's face slowly changed to a little
> frown, then back to a vacant look as he slowly said:
>
>    "Hullo ... Cedric".
>
> If Bo had had eyebrows they would have shot skywards.
>
>    "I have a size 7 head", another stroke, "size 3's are
>    normally in politics or banking, but his Uncle is
>    supplying the funding!". He gave me a knowing nod.
>
>    "Is size 7 the biggest?"
>
>    "Well, there are a few size 8's, but they are all OTs
>    with GRE qualifications".
>
>    "How can I help you?".
>
>    "Ever since we discovered earth we could not understand
>    why you all had almost the same size heads. You can't all
>    be Occupational Therapists. I", stroked his dome,
>    "discovered that it is the use of the brain which differs
>    from person to person".
>
> A smug smile beamed from his face as though he had just told
> me a great truth of the Universe, and he continued:
>
>    "I don't quite understand why noone uses all their
>    brains, the best seem to use one third, but my break
>    through came a few years ago, after I abducted Ronald
>    Reagan and found practically no brain activity at all -
>    and I realised here was a classic size 2 head political
>    leader!!".
>
>    "My latest discovery is very interesting. All the people
>    who talk CP English or CP French (in fact CP anything),
>    have very interesting brains. It appears part of it is
>    damaged, but they seem to have trained part of their
>    brains to do the functions which the damaged part can't
>    do very well. To finish my research I thought I'd see
>    what would happen if I repaired one of these brains so
>    that they could use it. The total useable brain would
>    then be phenomenal.".
>
> It suddenly dawned on me what the alien was saying.
>
>    "WHAT!!! You could repair my brain damage?!!"
>
>    "Sure. Basically I just laser burn the injured tissue and
>    replace it with cloned cells from the good part. Of
>    course I map the synapse network before burning, and
>    impose the lattice on the new cells - piece of cake - a
>    size 5 could do it. You'd end up with this virgin brain
>    area where you can think new thoughts, fill with fresh
>    ideas."
>
>    "What about all the secondary problems, the neck, back,
>    hip, feet, complications."
>
>    "No, I just do the neuro fix, my size 7 head has no
>    skeletal information. You'd need an ortho size 7 for
>    that."
>
> I paused to think of what I'd learned. No more spasms. No
> more drooling. No more continuous repetition just to be
> understood. No more CP - my friend for decades.
>
> Yet I'd still have all the neck/back/hip/feet pain - but
> without the very visible reason for it. Would I be fit for
> "normal" life - when my whole life up till now had been
> fitted to my disability.
>
> This and much more flashed through my brain.
>
>    "Bo, I'm really sorry but you are going to have to find
>    someone else to test your theory."
>
> A disappointed look crossed Bo's face.
>
>    "What possible reason have you got for turning down my
>    offer."
>
>    "My wife would kill me!!"
>
>
>
>
> Deri James
> 12th March 2001



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