Yvonne,
I applaud your courage and love as a person and parent! Good for you for writing! I am not a parent of a disabled child, so I can only look at this situation thru my eyes and I'm not even sure how it is that I feel about this. But, nonetheless, I do appreciate your perspective!
Paige
>
> I hesitate to post this as I don't wish to offend or alienate anyone, =
> but...
>
> I also followed the Latimer case here in the press. Even when I was lost =
> in the "AB pit of ignorance" (smile) B.C. (Before my Children). I would =
> have to disagree with you, Betty. Because our murder rate is so low in =
> this country compared to yours pretty well all crimes of this nature get =
> national news coverage. From the beginning the media presented both sides =
> of the controversy : "murder" or "mercy killing". Disabled Rights =
> Activists here have been very focal in the main stream press. As have =
> Latimer family supporters. The lack of resources has certainly been an =
> issue in my local papers. I live in the Capital. In a country that prides =
> itself in our social services network (albeit flawed) the lack of services =
> has been a big part of the debate. Every Canadian has the expectation =
> (good or bad, right or wrong) that if we need help, our government =
> programmes will be there. I remember when the Latimer story broke, much =
> discussion centred on "How could this happen?" Not just Tracey's death but =
> also "How did this family get to this point?" "Where were the supports =
> that are supposed to be there?" I followed a news group for a while that =
> debated the issues surrounding this case. By and large the people who =
> condemned Mr. Latimer had the naive notion that if he had just asked for =
> help it would have been provided. Not true in rural Alberta. And resources =
> still would not have relieved Tracey's pain and suffering. If that was the =
> true reason for Tracey's death (and only Robert Latimer knows for sure) =
> then all the money, support, resources, etc. in the world would not have =
> made any difference!
>
> This issue touches me on several levels. As you all know our son Anthony =
> has CP. He has moderate spastic quad CP with a mild speech delay and is =
> otherwise a healthy, typical 3 year old. :-)
>
> I don't often speak of our son Joseph, Anthony and Robert's triplet =
> brother, who died when he was 20 months old. Joseph suffered severe brain =
> damage, probably related to a poorly formed placenta and restricted cord =
> flow in utero. The extent of the damage was not apparent until he was =
> almost 2 months old. Along with multiple medical issues he had severe =
> spastic CP, cortical blindness, severe cognitive impairment, seizures (up =
> to 35 in a row, several times a day, never well-controlled with meds).=20
>
> He was a sweet, special little boy who recognized his Mommy and Daddy =
> and who learned to smile and had a wonderful husky little giggle. I feel =
> privilege to have known him and to have been his Mom. There is not a day =
> that goes by that I don't miss him and wish I could cuddle him one more =
> time.=20
>
> But Joey's life was not pleasant as much as we tried to make him as happy =
> and comfortable as possible. The spasticity in his legs was causing his =
> hips to be pulled out of their sockets. Daily stretching was torture for =
> him. Often we would have to pry his legs apart to put a diaper on him. He =
> was facing several painful orthopedic surgeries to try to correct this =
> problem with guarded long term prognosis.=20
>
> His seizures frightened him and made him cry. The seizure meds caused him =
> to be lethargic.=20
>
> He had gastric reflux which caused him pain. The meds for that caused =
> cramping.=20
>
> His lungs were badly scarred from being ventilated and on oxygen for so =
> long. He hated wearing the nasal prongs and his little nose got so =
> irritated at times. He was on supplemental oxygen at home and often needed =
> suctioning to breathe.=20
>
> He couldn't co-ordinate to breathe-suck-swallow so even the pleasure of =
> eating was denied him. When he had a feeding tube put in at 14 months of =
> age we had to fight to have him medicated for pain post-op (the anaesthesio=
> logist didn't want his respirations to be suppressed by the pain meds, but =
> was okay with an infant being in agony). I cannot begin to describe the =
> feeling when he looked at me as if to say "Mommy why don't you make this =
> better?" and I could do nothing. His g-tube site was often irritated to =
> the point of bleeding despite all our efforts to keep it scrupulously =
> clean and dry.
>
> On top of everything else, Joey's immune system was very poor. As much as =
> we tried to protect him he was continuously coming down with respiratory =
> viruses and needed to be hospitalized for weeks at a time. He eventually =
> developed a croup-like virus that his body just couldn't fight anymore. At =
> that point we stopped all the suctioning and invasive procedures and had =
> to let him go. My heart broke that night and I will never again feel total =
> joy and peace because one of my babies is no longer with me.
>
> Earlier, when we knew the extent of Joey's brain damage, we made the =
> decision no parent should ever have to make and opted for a Do Not =
> Resuscitate (DNR) order so that if he were to go into respiratory arrest =
> for whatever reason, no heroic measures would be taken to prolong his =
> life. My husband and I both felt that it would be an act of love for us to =
> let Joey go if and when his time came. And our grief over his death has =
> been tempered by relief that he no longer suffers in this world.=20
>
> I don't know if I could ever have made the decision Robert Latimer made. I =
> thank God I never had to. But as a parent who watched her child suffer =
> pain and indignity on a daily basis with the knowledge that it could only =
> get worse and not better, I can understand that kind of compassion and =
> mercy.=20
>
> Not all people with disabilities can enjoy the quality of life that most =
> of you enjoy - and I say that with full awareness of the physical and =
> emotional pain many of you experience. My Joey would never have been able =
> to join your world. There are many out there too disabled for people =
> beyond their own families to know or care about. That is the sad reality. =
> Disability rights are wonderful and essential but right to quality of life =
> comes first in my opinion. As the Mom of two children with special needs =
> from two very different points on the continuum, I have a bit different =
> perspective perhaps. I would never consider a DNR order for Anthony - he =
> has a great life ahead of him - I know this in my heart.=20
>
> I am just sharing my opinion here and a different perspective. My point is =
> to share my feelings and foster some discussion, not to offend anyone.
>
> Yvonne
>
> >>> [log in to unmask] 10/31/00 12:05AM >>>
> Hey Vince,
>
> Good to hear from you again, and thank you for your empathetic condolences.=
>
>
> What you shared is also my understanding about the events surrounding =
> Tracy's
> death. I know I haven't followed this story as long as you have though. =
> I
> have only been disabled for four years or so now (give or take a few =
> months
> or years depending on when the progression actually started). Prior to =
> that
> I was lost in an Able Bodied pit of ignorance (no offense intended to
> informed and aware ABs, only to my former self).
>
> My concern is not so much about Robert Latimer. I do have a special place =
> in
> my heart for Tracy, but there will always be these isolated incidences. =
> I'm
> more concerned that a public depiction of Mr. Latimer as a merciful man =
> will
> fuel the misguided notion many people have that we are suffering, and that
> some of us are better off "out of our misery." If this is the way he is
> being depicted, I think it's a good idea for the museum to hear from as =
> many
> of us as possible.
>
> As far as I know (and you would know better), the Canadian media has never
> stressed the lack of resources available to the Latimer family. It always
> seems to fall back on "poor Robert and his untold suffering." I don't =
> doubt
> that he was stressed and driven to the edge. In fact, I really don't =
> judge
> him at all. He admitted that he committed this crime and it was up to the
> Canadian judicial system to judge him. I just don't see that this story =
> has
> ever had consciousness raising media coverage.
>
> If this had happened in the US, I have no doubt that the story would be =
> the
> same. As it is, I suspect that only a handful of US folks has even heard =
> of
> Tracy Latimer, and I'm sure they can be found in the disability community.
>
> I'm rambling. I think of this particular child often.
>
> Betty
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> In a message dated 10/30/2000 10:10:29 PM Eastern Standard Time,
> [log in to unmask] writes:
>
> > Betty,
> >
> > It's Vince, a list lurker from Canada. First, I'd like to express my
> > smypathies regarding AstroBird. In my years, a number of cherished =
> pets
> > have passed. In my own way I feel for you. What makes these difficult
> > times easier is that the ones we love (Animals or People) live in our
> > memories of them. Even decades later, the memories warm my heart and =
> bring
> > a genuine smile.
> >
> > Now, about Mr. Latimer. As a Canadian with CP, I have followed this =
> story
> > with much interest and concern. To make a very long story very short, =
> Mr.
> > Latimer was a farmer living in a rural community in Alberta. His =
> daughter,
> > Tracy, was born with a very severe form of CP 14 years before. The =
> news
> had
> > said that Tracy, was totally dependant on family her parents for her =
> care.
> > Tracy, it was said was in constant pain as her muscle spasms where so
> severe
> > that they would cause her joints to be pulled from their sockets.
> >
> > Because the Latimers didn't live in a major center, there were no =
> support
> > services for the family to access for Tracy, and Mrs. Latimer was (I =
> think)
> > 7 or 8 months pregnant at the time of Tracy's death.
> >
> > Mr. Latimer freely admits that he put Tracy in his pick up track and =
> ran a
> > hose from the tail pipe to the cab, killing Tracy. The debate seems to =
> be
> > from two camps. Those who see it as a mercy killing, by a man =
> overwhelmed
> > by his situation in life, and those who see him as a heartless =
> murderer.
> >
> > If any other list members have any corrections or clarifications to =
> what
> > I've written here, please make them. This is the info as I recall it. =
> No
> > tomato throwing, please.
> >
> > Peace,
> >
> > Vince
> >
>
>
> Betty
> aut viam inveniam aut faciam
> "I will either find a way or make one."
Paige
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