EXCELLENT!!!!!  Got me laughing out loud!!!!!  Thanks!!


> Subject: Diary of a Viagra Housewife
>
>
>
>  Diary of a Viagra Housewife
>
>  Day 1.
>  Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to
>  celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked
>  himself in the bathroom and cried.
>
>  Day 2.
>  Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says,
>  and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me
>  something I don't know! I mean, gimme a break. He's been dysfunctional
>  for so long that he even walks with a limp.
>
>  Day 3.
>  This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a
>  picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.
>
>  Day 4.
>  A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix
>  his 'problem.' It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra,
>  things will be just like they were on our wedding night. He said, 'this
>  time, I'd rather not have your mother join us.' I think this will work.
>  I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other
>  than his mood.
>
>  Day 7.
>  This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at
>  Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought
> they
>  were talking about him. Get over yourself! Not everything is about you!
>  But, have to admit ...
>
>  Day 8.
>  I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing
>  the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. Sore as
>  hell....
>
>  Day 10.
>  Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And
>  to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with hard cider!
> The
>  photo of Janet Reno isn't working. What am I gonna do? I feel tacky all
>  over....
>
>  Day 11.
>  The side effects are starting to get to him. Everything is turning
> blue.
>  The other day, we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet and he
>  thought it was "The Smurfs Do Denmark." Even my armpits hurt. He's a
>  nasty man.
>
>  Day 12.
>  OK, I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with a
>  Black and Decker power tool. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the
>  bed.
>
>  Day 13.
>  I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep saying
>  'fabulous,' and still he keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become
>  dangerous ...
>
>  Day 14.
>  Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut my eyes,
>  there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile.
>  Let's hope he's not like ex-President Bush and takes 100 days to pull
>  out. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" butt-thing
>  again, I'm gonna kill him.
>
>  Day 15.
>  I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even
> started
>  dressing like a nun. Now he tells me "Sister Wendy" makes "Father
> Woody"
>  want to bark like a dog. Help me.
>
>  Day 16.
>  I think I will have to kill him. Then he'll go out the way he wants
>  to...stiff. With my luck, I won't be able to close the casket. I'm
>  starting to adhere to everything I sit on. The cats are afraid of him
>  and the neighbors no longer come over. Last night I told him to screw
>  himself ...he did.
>
>  He must die.



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