HOPI 2001!

----- Original Message -----
From: <G>
To: <>
Sent: Tuesday, January 02, 2001 12:13 PM
Subject: Today's wisdom output (fwd)


>
>
> 1)  Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
> bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a
> fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
>
> 2)  A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think
> I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll
just
> have to be a little patient."
>
> 3)  A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
> dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of
seagulls.
> One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some
> more.  On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to
> wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and
> charged with transporting gulls across staid lions for immortal porpoises.
>
> 4)  A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
> remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the
leaves
> of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When
the
> anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and
> said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
>
> 5)  Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
> produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket
> watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west.  It
> turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their
> compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico
rather
> than California.  This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He
who
> has a Tates is lost!"
>
> 6)  A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the
> lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have
absolutely
> nothing to go on."
>
> 7)  An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
> man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin
strip
> of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew
and
> swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a  month, the Indian
chief
> was still not well, but the medicine man only shrugged and said, "The
thong
> is ended, but the malady lingers on."
>
> 8)  A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
> name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to
the
> local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
> Leif off my census."
>
> 10) By the way, the guy who wrote these 9 puns entered them and one
> other in a contest. He figured with 10 entries he couldn't lose. As they
> were reading the list of winners he was really hoping one of his puns
> would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
>
>