EXCELLENT!!!!! Got me laughing out loud!!!!! Thanks!!
> Subject: Diary of a Viagra Housewife
>
>
>
> Diary of a Viagra Housewife
>
> Day 1.
> Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to
> celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked
> himself in the bathroom and cried.
>
> Day 2.
> Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says,
> and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me
> something I don't know! I mean, gimme a break. He's been dysfunctional
> for so long that he even walks with a limp.
>
> Day 3.
> This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a
> picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.
>
> Day 4.
> A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix
> his 'problem.' It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra,
> things will be just like they were on our wedding night. He said, 'this
> time, I'd rather not have your mother join us.' I think this will work.
> I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other
> than his mood.
>
> Day 7.
> This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at
> Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought
> they
> were talking about him. Get over yourself! Not everything is about you!
> But, have to admit ...
>
> Day 8.
> I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing
> the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. Sore as
> hell....
>
> Day 10.
> Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And
> to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with hard cider!
> The
> photo of Janet Reno isn't working. What am I gonna do? I feel tacky all
> over....
>
> Day 11.
> The side effects are starting to get to him. Everything is turning
> blue.
> The other day, we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet and he
> thought it was "The Smurfs Do Denmark." Even my armpits hurt. He's a
> nasty man.
>
> Day 12.
> OK, I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with a
> Black and Decker power tool. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the
> bed.
>
> Day 13.
> I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep saying
> 'fabulous,' and still he keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become
> dangerous ...
>
> Day 14.
> Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut my eyes,
> there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile.
> Let's hope he's not like ex-President Bush and takes 100 days to pull
> out. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" butt-thing
> again, I'm gonna kill him.
>
> Day 15.
> I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even
> started
> dressing like a nun. Now he tells me "Sister Wendy" makes "Father
> Woody"
> want to bark like a dog. Help me.
>
> Day 16.
> I think I will have to kill him. Then he'll go out the way he wants
> to...stiff. With my luck, I won't be able to close the casket. I'm
> starting to adhere to everything I sit on. The cats are afraid of him
> and the neighbors no longer come over. Last night I told him to screw
> himself ...he did.
>
> He must die.
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