Karl,

I really dont't know.  To give it my best shot, I think I exhibit a little
bit of each scenario.  But I'm definite that I can't be categorized or
associated with one extreme ONLY.  That's my best answer.

ET TU?

>From: kalilu camara <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list
><[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!
>Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 03:55:43 GMT
>
>Mr. Elow,
>Of all these what are you?
>                    kalilu
>
>>From: Elow Wole <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list
>><[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!
>>Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2000 19:09:07 GMT
>>
>>This phrase was first used by a very famous economist, Milton Friedman.
>>The
>>human scenarios below were written by The McGraw-Hill Company.  After
>>reading the excerpt, I thought we've got a lot of Snipers in our midst.
>>What
>>do you think?
>>
>>
>>THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!!!
>>
>>© R&R Productions,
>>"Dealing With People You Can't Stand, How to Bring Out the Best in People
>>at
>>Their Worst", McGraw Hill.
>>
>>
>>Once someone determines that what they want is NOT happening, or that what
>>they don’t want IS happening, his or her behavior becomes more extreme,
>>and
>>therefore less tolerable to others. We now can observe how threatened or
>>thwarted positive intentions lead to the behaviors of difficult people.
>>
>>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT DONE’:
>>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Done,’ others
>>appear to be wasting time, going off on tangents, or just plain taking too
>>long. The intent increases in intensity, and the subsequent behavior
>>becomes
>>more controlling. The three most difficult controlling behaviors are the
>>Tank, Sniper, and Know-It-All.
>>
>>
>>THE TANK
>>On a mission, unable to slow down, pushing you around or running right
>>over
>>you, the Tank has no inhibitions about ripping you apart personally. Yet
>>the
>>irony is... it's nothing personal. You just happened to get in the way. In
>>an effort to control the process and accomplish the mission, Tank behavior
>>ranges from mild pushiness to outright aggression.
>>
>>THE SNIPER
>>A sneakier strategy when things aren't getting done to their satisfaction,
>>the Sniper attempts to control you through embarrassment and humiliation.
>>Most people live in fear of public embarrassment, a fact that Snipers use
>>to
>>their advantage, by making loaded statements and sarcastic comments at
>>times
>>when you are most vulnerable.
>>
>>THE KNOW-IT-ALL
>>The Know-It-All controls people and events by dominating the conversation
>>with lengthy, imperious arguments, and eliminates opposition by finding
>>flaws and weaknesses to discredit other points of view. Because the Know
>>-It-All is actually knowledgeable and competent, most people are worn down
>>quickly by this strategy, and finally just give up.
>>
>>_________________________________________________________________________
>>
>>
>>
>>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT RIGHT’:
>>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Right,’
>>everything around this person begins to seem haphazard and careless. To
>>add
>>insult to injury, people seem to address these concerns with horrifyingly
>>fuzzy words, like ‘pretty much,’ and ‘roughly,’ and ‘probably.’ When
>>sufficient intensity is reached, the behavior becomes increasingly
>>pessimistic and perfectionistic. The Constant Complainer, the No-Person,
>>and
>>the Nothing-Person, all exemplify this kind of behavior.
>>
>>
>>
>>THE WHINER
>>In our imperfect world, the Whiner believes that he or she is powerless to
>>create change. Burdened and overwhelmed by all the uncertainty around what
>>can go wrong, they abandon all thought of solutions. Instead, as the
>>feeling
>>of helplessness increases, they focus on any problems that can be used as
>>evidence for their massive generalization. They begin to whine:
>>“Ooooooooo....nothing is right. Everything is wroooong.” This, of course,
>>serves only to drive everybody else crazy, and the deteriorating situation
>>provokes further whining.
>>
>>NO PERSON
>>Unlike the Constant Complainer, the No Person does not feel helpless in
>>the
>>face of things going wrong. Instead, the No Person becomes hopeless.
>>Certain
>>that what is wrong will never be set right, they have no inhibition about
>>letting others know how they feel: "Forget it, we tried that, it didn't
>>work
>>then, it won't work now, and you're kidding yourself if anyone tells you
>>different. Give up and save yourself from wasted effort on a lost cause."
>>This gravity well pulls others into the No Person's personal pit of
>>despair.
>>
>>NOTHING PERSON
>>When events fail to meet to measure up to the standard of perfection, some
>>people get so totally frustrated that they withdraw completely. There may
>>be
>>one last shout at the powers that be for failing to ‘Get It Right’: “Fine!
>>Do it your way. Don't come crying to me if it doesn't work out!” From that
>>point on, they do and say...Nothing.
>>
>>
>>
>>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET ALONG’ WITH OTHERS:
>>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get Along’ with
>>people, uncertainty about how others feel about them leads them to take
>>reactions, comments and facial expressions personally. Behavior becomes
>>increasingly geared towards gaining approval and avoiding disapproval. The
>>three most difficult approval-seeking behaviors are the wishy-washy Yes
>>and
>>Maybe People and the passive Nothing Person.
>>
>>
>>
>>THE NOTHING PERSON
>>Timid, uncomfortable and uncertain, the ‘Get Along’ Nothing Person excels
>>at
>>tongue biting. Since they don’t have anything nice to say, they don’t say
>>anything at all. At their worst, they say nothing almost all the time.
>>This,
>>in many ways, is the perfect strategy to avoid conflict, to avoid hurting
>>someone else's feelings. and to keep from angering anyone. It's almost a
>>perfect plan, but there is a fly in the ointment. Since the Nothing Person
>>can't relate authentically or speak honestly, he or she doesn't really
>>‘Get
>>Along’ with anyone.
>>
>>THE YES PERSON
>>Yes People seek approval and avoid disapproval by trying to please
>>everyone
>>else. The Yes Person answers yes to every request, without actually
>>thinking
>>about what is being promised or the consequences of failing to follow
>>through. “Sure,” says the Yes Person. And to the next request, “Ok,” and
>>to
>>the next request...“Of course.” Before long, the Yes Person has over
>>promised and under delivered to such an extent that the very people he or
>>she wanted to ‘Get Along’ with are furious. In the rare instance where the
>>promises are kept, the Yes Person's life is no longer their own, because
>>all
>>their choices are made around everyone else's needs and demands. This
>>produces in the Yes Person a deep-seated anxiety and much resentment, and
>>can even lead to unconscious acts of sabotage.
>>
>>THE MAYBE PERSON
>>The Maybe Person avoids disapproval by avoiding decisions. After all, the
>>wrong choice might upset someone, or something could go wrong and who
>>would
>>be blamed? The solution is to put the decision off, waffle and hedge until
>>someone else makes the decision or the decision makes itself. Like all the
>>other difficult behaviors, this behavior perpetuates the problem it is
>>intended to solve, by causing so much frustration and annoyance that the
>>Maybe person is locked out from meaningful relationships with others.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>THREATENED INTENT TO GET APPRECIATED BY PEOPLE:
>>Through the distorted lens of a thwarted intent to ‘Get Appreciation’ from
>>people, the lack of positive feedback combines in their mind with the
>>reactions, comments and facial expressions of others, and tend to be taken
>>personally. The intent to Get Appreciation’ intensifies in direct
>>proportion
>>to the lack of appreciative feedback, and behavior becomes increasingly
>>aimed at getting attention. The three most difficult attention getting
>>behaviors that result from the thwarted desire to get appreciation are the
>>Grenade, The Sniper and The Think-They-Know-It-All.
>>
>>
>>
>>GRENADE BEHAVIOR
>>They say they don’t get any appreciation and they’re not getting any
>>respect. When the the silence and lack of appreciation becomes deafening.
>>Look out for the Grenade: The adult temper tantrum. “KABOOM!!@#$* Nobody
>>around here cares! That's the problem with the world today, KAPOW *%^&@# I
>>don't know why I even bother! No one appreciates just how hard it is for
>>me!
>>KATUNG&%$#*, etc.” Ranting and raving are difficult to ignore. But since
>>this desperate behavior produces negative attention and disgust, the
>>Grenade
>>is ever more likely to blow up at the next ‘provocation.’1
>>
>>THE FRIENDLY SNIPER
>>This Sniper actually likes you, and their sniping is a ‘fun way’ of
>>attention. “I never forget a face...but in your case I will make an
>>exception.” Many people have relationships that include playful sniping.
>>Normally, the best defense is a good offense, because instead of
>>offending,
>>a return snipe is a sign of appreciation. But if the person on the
>>receiving
>>end doesn't give or receive appreciation in this manner, they may be
>>laughing on the outside while bleeding from an emotional wound on the
>>inside.
>>
>>THINK-THEY-KNOW-IT-ALL BEHAVIOR
>>The Think-They -Know -It- All, a specialist in exaggeration, half truths,
>>jargon, useless advice and unsolicited opinions. Charismatic and
>>enthusiastic, this desperate-for-attention person can persuade and mislead
>>an entire group of naive people into serious difficulties. If you argue
>>with
>>them, they turn up the volume and dig in their heels, then refuse to back
>>down till you look as foolish as they do.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>TO SUMMARIZE:
>>* Behavior becomes more controlling when the intent to ‘Get It Done’ is
>>thwarted, leading people to become Tanks, Snipers, and Know-It-Alls.
>>
>>* Behavior becomes more perfectionist when the intent to ‘Get It Right’ is
>>thwarted, leading people to become Whiners, No People, and Nothing people.
>>
>>* Behavior becomes more approval seeking when the intent to ‘Get Along’ is
>>thwarted, leading people to become Yes People, Maybe People, and Nothing
>>people.
>>
>>* Behavior becomes more attention-getting when the intent to ‘Get
>>Appreciation’ is thwarted, leading people to become Grenades,
>>Think-They-Know-It-Alls, and Snipers.
>>
>>As you read these descriptions of the 10 difficult behaviors that people
>>can’t stand, perhaps you noticed that, when your intentions are thwarted,
>>you occasionally become some of these people too. We wouldn’t be
>>surprised,
>>since everybody is somebody’s difficult person some of the time. Who
>>hasn’t
>>whined, complained, become hopeless, exaggerated a story, with-held their
>>true feelings, procrastinated a decision, lost their temper, loudly
>>accused
>>or withdrawn completely? The difference between you and your difficult
>>people in this regard may be a matter of degree and frequency, or
>>recognition and responsibility. But the essential point here is that these
>>behaviors are observable and changeable.
>>
>>The behavior of the person you can’t stand is determined by that person’s
>>perception of what they think is going on as it relates to what they think
>>is important. Their behavior interacts with your behavior, which is based
>>on
>>your own perception of these same variables. This produces an outcome,
>>either randomly or intentionally. The results of your dealings with people
>>at their worst is, in large measure, up to you.
>>
>>The Lens of Understanding...
>>
>>
>>Posted by Essa.
>>
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