For me too -- I am okay with some things about this, and I wish I could
change some things and I don't talk about them.  If I just had the mobility
impairment and nothing else, this would be a lot easier to deal with.
Sometimes I have energy and I can go out and do things.  Other times I'm
wiped just from taking a shower.  Those are the hardest days because I feel
trapped and it does get lonely.  Then you guys are the answer to my prayers.

I don't like to talk about fatigue with nondisabled people because they'll
throw in a comment about having the same problem.  They don't have a clue.  I
used to work twelve to fifteen hours a day on purpose because I Ioved to
work.  It's hard not to be able to do much sometimes.  It's hard to go
someplace for a couple of hours and be wiped for the next three days because
of it.  I really hate it when somebody acts like I'm lucky that I got to
retire early.  I am not too lazy to work, and I enjoyed working and being in
the hub of the nation's capitol.

People whine about everything.  They whine about living in DC.  I used to
drive to work and see the Jefferson Memorial and the Washington Monument
every morning, and I'd think about what a great opportunity it was to live
here.  I could go to the Smithsonian for free, I worked at the Washington
Navy Yard and could visit the Navy and Marine Corps Museums for free at lunch
if I wanted.  The Navy Band is quartered at the Navy Yard too, and you could
hear them playing on Luetze Park during the day right about this time of
year.  It was a great situation for somebody like me who loves John Philip
Sousa.  People would whine about having to work at the Navy Yard though too.

The wheelchair was no sweat -- in fact I was very proud of myself for
adapting to it so quickly.  But when I hear people complain about having to
work -- I hate to say this -- but sometimes I wish this could have happened
to them instead.  If they are too lazy to work, and don't get how it's great
to work, then why couldn't they be the ones who would be too weak to go out
of the house sometimes and have to retire.

But still, life is richer now so I wouldn't change this.  It's like seeing
the world in three dimensions for the first time in my life.  I'd change the
fatigue part if I could -- that's like being sick.  But the mobility problems
are just a challenge. Even the pain is manageable.  You really do get used to
chronic pain.  It's not unbearable though anyway.

Well, well, well, a little unresolved anger going on here, huh?  I guess I'm
whining today.

In a message dated 04/27/2000 11:30:19 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

<< For me, acceptance has come in stages. There are still aspects of myself I
 do not really accept.

 Bobby

  >the sooner one accepts their disability the better they will be in coping
 >with it.
 > >>